29-12-2013. What's for dessert?

Hello, all!
So, I finally had some spare time to myself, in quiet, and that meant that I needed to do something. So, I did some laundry. Vacuumed and mopped, picked up someone's Christmas presents and put them in his room (that someone will be needing to put said Christmas toys away in their rightful spots) aaaand catch up on my sweets skills.
Originally, I wanted to make sugar cookies for the holidays, so that my cousin and I could decorate together. That.... turned into a bust when I received the call on Christmas day that I would be left alone until the 30th of December. Now, that plan was changed to tonight, the 29th around midnight. Ten minutes until 10 at night, and I hear the truck doors slam outside. They're home.
Whoever is making these decisions doesn't know how to stick to a plan and, in my opinion, doesn't know how to take things slowly, to enjoy the moments and let other enjoy them. Not that I am upset that they came home early, I was beyond excited to see my cousin again! Getting him in bed, though... a little testy since it was four days since he last had been working towards sleeping by himself.
Before all of this, as in, earlier today, with the house cleaned, minor essentials purchased (milk, soap, ingredients for the planned dessert dishes...), I could begin my work.
The two sweets I had in mind were a peanut butter pie, which has become a somewhat popular dish I've seen in Southern states, and banana coconut nutmeg Popsicles. Recipes and pictures below.
Both, I feel, turned out relatively successful, in that they taste wonderful, and I have figured out ways to change them to make them better to my taste. Plus, now I have some bribing ammunition for my coworkers, and feeding into the obsession with sweets. They'll try something, get hooked, and I'll be their "sweets dealer." My evil plan is about to be set into motion....

So, it was a quiet weekend which I could use for myself, and I was able to accomplish a few things, but I'm glad my family is back, for the time being. In addition to that, I think I have come to the understanding that moving into an apartment in the near future is a strong probability, as long as I have a spare bed and a kitchen.

Until next time,
K.

As for now... Recipes!

Peanut Butter Pie (No Bake)
Crust

• Oreos, 24 cookie sandwiches (I used the peanut butter chocolate filled ones for the dedication to peanut butter)
• 1/4 c. butter, melted
  

Filling
1/2 c. creamy peanut butter
1 pack (8oz) cream cheese, softened
1/2 c. confectioner's sugar
8oz whipping cream (The recipe I used asked for the frozen pre-made whipped topping, like Cool Whip... I didn't have that)
1/4 c. Chocolate Chips
1 pack of Milo Nuggets (no mini chocolate peanut butter cups, but these are big enough to crush, and make pleasant surprises for the eater)

For the crust, crush the cookies together as much as possible, they should pretty much be pulverized. In a bowl, add the melted butter to the cookies, mix briefly, to ensure eved spreading of butter to cookie. In a 9" pie dish or, in my case, a 7.5" tall casserole dish, press the cookie crumbs into it. Start at the bottom and work up. For a smoother shell, I patted the mixture into the sides with the convex size of a wooden spoon, instead of my getting my fingers dirty, and the shell crumbling in my hands. When smooth enough to your liking, you can put the shell in the freezer to cool and harden.

Ingredients, except the Nutella.

In a bowl, mix the peanut butter, sugar, and cream cheese together. (Don't get concerned if it doesn't look smooth, it will.)












After the three ingredients are sufficiently blended with each other, pour your whipping cream into a mixer and beat it until it becomes thick. Take your peanut butter mixture, and add it little by little to the whipped cream, while still blending. Stop the blender or mixer when the mixture has the consistency of cake batter. (Look below, creamy fabulousness!)

Mmm! Crunchy!

Add the chocolate Milo Nuggets and the chocolate chips.

Pour the mixture into the Oreo crust, and set it in the freezer for a few hours. Over night is the best confirmation of firmness. Thaw the pie slightly before cutting it into serving slices.

Off to the freezer I go!

Banana Coconut Popsicles with nutmeg (and a hint of lime!)
4 medium-small bananas
400mL Coconut milk
1 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 c. Mild honey (should not be too floral or fruit)
1/2 kaffir lime (juice)

Serving Size: 7 popsicles
Pretty simple: puree bananas, add coconut milk, blend. Add honey, and then lime. Pour mixture into holders, and set in the freezer overnight.

The end product was pretty tasty. I think, though, this require less banana, because it was just way too thick and yogurt-y for my texture preference. That, and it didn't tast tropical enough. This may have been due to the stage of the bananas, they were not necessarily sweet enough, either. Otherwise, this is totally a great cooling snack, which I think I will practice more with, in discovering a delightfully quenching treat.

27-12-2013 Holiday Spirit: To be right or to be happy?

Hello, all!
So, today is going to be less update and more topic-focused. It is the age-old debate applying to coupleship, as well as the commitment of marriage: which is better? To be right in the relationship OR to be happy?

Many people might think that the answer is simple between the two, but I think the issue is more than skin-deep. Is there really a correct answer, even? At times, I would agree that to be right is better, and at other time, it is more essential to be happy. Then again, do these two aspects intertwine in importance? If I am right about something in a debate, and am agreed with on the topic, would that not make me happy?
I sifted through a few articles which delved into this topic and it brought up another question for me; what is the definition of "being right" and the definition of "being happy" in a relationship?

For the articles I read, this seems to apply mostly to disagreements in the duration of two partners in their togetherness. It is inevitable that couples argue, though the amount of energy of the relationship dedicated to arguing varies, and can be considered healthy or unhealthy depending on the couple. Rabid arguments every day, or even every week for a couple is often considered detrimental, because there is much animosity exchanged between the two people. Animosity and anger over a long period of time deteriorates the affection and love for each other. Two people who no longer love each other, or are willing to work with each other in the partnership should not be together, because they have no need or desire for the other. Some relationships which have a higher volume of arguments, say on a biweekly basis, are due to the personalities of the participants; for example, if you put two very outspoken people together that are headstrong, they will more likely than not, share their opinions, whether they agree or disagree with the other. That can be fine, as long as the two people are willing to hash it out, and accept the other.

There it is. what I was looking for. two people are willing to hash it out, and accept the other". That is a key in a relationship, compromise. While it is gratifying to be right, sometimes, I think is is more important to be happy, and the ability to find a "happy medium," to a feisty debate contributes to the happiness of the couple. The connotation of happy medium itself implies balance, which is how a couple should be, equal, yet different. Yin and Yang.
When that balance is disturbed, it is time to reevaluate the problem and assess it. In the case of being right and being happy, happiness attributes a lot to the balance, not being correct in an argument. What happens when one person is "right" is that the other person is "wrong." Again, the keyword is balance and this battle to establish ones own view and put down the other's disrupts the equality of the members of a couple, because one needs to be above the other in their views. A prolonged inequality between partners takes away the happiness of at least one of the partners; in some cases, one person become insatiable in their demands of the other, which makes the relationship one-sided: individuality and identity of the giver in the partnership diminishes because they are dedicating more of their energy to the other person, and not fulfilling their own desires. Unfulfilled desires of a person become "naggers," to the giver, and further decreases their personal happiness.
While arguments create a rift between two people, it more often than not, is necessary. A couple who never argues also does not accomplish fixing things. This is called avoidance, where the two people are too afraid to speak against one another which might create an argument. When fear to object to the other is involved, that is unhealthy, it creates stress. Stress that is bottled up creates pressure, and can be harmful for one's health.
 I'm going apply the physics of gas properties to create the imagery of unreleased stress. Temperature and pressure are directly proportional:

P ∝ T

Think of a glass bottle, with water, and it is sealed with a cap. Now, take this bottle of water, and put a flame under it, increasing the heat. The liquid water begins to evaporate tiny bubbles forming at the bottom of the bottle, condensation from the steam of the water fogging inside the glass. Increase the heat. These tiny bubbles begin to grow, in size, and start rising to the top of the water. Increase the heat. The slight bubbling has turned into boiling, more gas molecules form. Increase the heat. The gas molecules are moving faster in the bottle. Increase the heat. The pressure inside rises; You can hear the sound of the bubbles popping inside the bottle, the gas molecules bouncing against their barriers. Increase the heat. The pressure inside still rising. Increase the heat.The boiling has now become a rumble, rabidly bubbling. Increase the heat, you see the seal of the bottle being pushed from the inside pressure. You want to let it out, but you can't. Increase the heat. The liquid water level is decreasing, but you know the water volume is still the same. Increase the heat. More pressure. Increase the heat. More pressure. Increase the heat, more pressure. And then. you hear a cracking sound, you watch in fearful awe, as the glass tries to relieve the pressure inside, revealing a long, crack, but this isn't enough. Increase the heat. A high-pitch whistling sound is heard and steam is pushing out of this thin crack. Increase the heat. Not enough room to let pressure out safely. Increase the heat. The whistling sound heightens in pitch. Increase the heat. The glass shatters as the bottle explodes violently. You duck, but not quickly enough, and shards of glass lacerate your arms, and any unprotected part of you. Some pieces have embedded themselves under your skin. You feel them press deeper with momentum, yet are unaware of the damage because of the shock. Now, all you have left is a mess to clean up, and the scars of your actions. Nobody wins.
Healthy couples do argue, but while they argue, the partners are trying to find where they can agree, and what they can do for or give to their partner so that both can be happy. Sometimes, that means one person will agree with their partner they they are more correct, or vice versa, and sometimes they will agree...to disagree, and move on. By moving on, they apologize to each other and consider what they do agree on. Of course, these arguments may last for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days. By the time a few days of passed, many balanced couples have come to one common agreement: they do not like being in discord for an extended period of time.
Couples that are dominated by one person who does not appease their partner on a regular basis to create balance in their commitment to each other, are unhealthy. Joy from the beginning of the relationship is minimal; respect, eroded; love for each other, worn away.

So, every now and then, argue a little bit! Relieve a little stress, you need to. You will feel better. That being said, I do not recommend arguing just for the sake to argue. And after you have released your tension, reexamine what the stress was, and how you can monitor and maintain a safe level. Do not let it build up, please, for your own sake. Find what makes you happy, and establish it. Coupleship involved two people working together and relationships involve compromise, you work together to make each other, and in turn yourself happy. Sometimes you don't need to be right in an argument, sometimes you do. That is okay. Just remember, it is a tit for tat agreement, give what you want to receive; if you want love, give it, if you want affection, give it, if you want understanding, give it. If you only take, without giving, you will never truly be satiated or happy.

Here are the articles I read:
http://healthland.time.com/2013/12/17/extreme-marriage-experiment-suggests-its-better-to-be-right-than-happy/
http://www.relationshipspecialists.com/media/being-right-vs-being-happy/

My opinion? It is not necessarily better for one side or the other, but balancing it.

Until next time,
K

22-12-2013. Holiday preparations...?

Hello again!
So, it's been a bit since I last posts, and that's okay, I've actually been more busy than forgetful, unlike the last few months! Plus, I'm actually working on this whole consistency thing, meaning, instead of giving a repetitive and mostly boring play-by-play of my days(which surprisingly makes it more difficult for me to be motivated to writing), I am giving bulk updates, but aiming for at least twice a week, maybe more.

The way these posts have been reading, as well as having been written, the said author has been up and down in emotions and speeds of life events. As of recent, we (I) are at a happy medium, not too low, and not too overwhelmed. So, slightly overwhelmed, but not heartbreakingly so.

This week, at the hospital, three big events happened that were publicized and for peers and employees. The first, on Thursday, was "Green Day". Sorry, not the band! It was an event to promote environmental awareness and the push towards helping keep the environment clean.
I give credit of these images to my friend, Nai, who took them.





 With that, there was also a market that was very active, where I found a deliciously playful snack!

Pastel pink, green, and purple sticky dough, with a soft peanut filling, rolled in coconut, with a salt-sugar-black sesame seasoning to dust them. They were whimsical, and indulgent. The part I remember most clearly is the confection, which made this otherwise plain snack a delight. It almost was buttery, and I could not get enough of it after the first bite even though I was hesitant at first. It looked like sand someone gathered and decided would be a funny practical joke to give to someone else to eat. Thank goodness it wasn't!

Thursday, I worked with the Director of the hospital, who is very clear on how to speak, and, like me, is very capable to talk about any topic. We really are working on his speech improvement, to enunciate the more difficult sounds of the English language, and to work on preparing speeches. 

After the conversation session, I was invited to a dinner party that celebrated two retiring employees, which was more fun than I expected. It was also much cooler than I expected, where I felt the need for a light jacket.(Good thing I have that creative project in progress!) There was karaoke, gift-giving, speeches, and food. 

I'm not in the picture because I''m one of the petal throwers.

Friday marked the end of the week with another event, which focused on that of the ambulance drivers and transportation. Because of the holidays, the traffic becomes more dangerous, and there is an increase of injuries and deaths due to holiday traffic. I thought it very wise to promote this event, because not only do the drivers for emergency services need to be prepared for the increase in accidents, the community also needs to consider their safety, and how to lower their risk of being one of those in a major vehicle accident.

Friday also marked the last night I would spend sleeping in the same room as my cousin. I had a makeshift bed, consisting of a padded mat, two sleeping bags, a comforter and some sheet, set next to his bed, so that he knew someone else was in the room with him. 

Saturday was the third big event at the hospital, the influenza seminar. As a promotion, flu vaccinations were costing about 190 THB, which is an estimate 6.25 USD. Not bad! My aunt, uncle, and cousin went to Pattaya instead of attending, what I would consider, a very important seminar. Even though I also missed it (it ended early), I still met with friends and had social plans: lunch!

We went to Ban Khai, which is known better for it's farming culture, and it was beautiful! We went to a restaurant that translated into "Grandma's Garden." It was very cozy! Each eating area was a canopied and elevated floor with bamboo mats. I would go so far as to describe them as cabana-esque. Each 'cabana' as a dry bamboo pipe, wit ha stick roped next to it, so that if a server were needed, we could call them. The staff people were friendly and the food was delicious!

Tom Yum

Fried mini-prawn

fish cutlets

Fished cooked in a banana leaf

The eating arrangement!

Creepin'

 After lunch, we all went home and I remembered that today was the first day to get my cousin, Kevin, to sleep in his room by himself. In fact, I read two stories to him: King Donkey Ears and Stone Soup. King Donkey Ears is the story that we read every night. By now, he is narrating half of the story on his own, interacting and (hopefully) learning! As for him falling asleep, I had to reassure him of his safety. He said he was afraid  his toys would get him, and "of the monsters in his mind." As a way to make him feel more comfortable, I told him to think of happy things, and mommy spanking the monsters. He woke me up about four times in the night for soothing comfort, which I willingly and quietly gave to him. Even though he woke me up those four times, he has taken big steps in growing up and independence of his parents' bed. Little steps forward are more memorable and last longer. For this week, I do not expect to sleep much with the evening independency activity going on, so wish me luck!

And as for today (Sunday), it was very quiet. I did a few chores, got some work done, went to lunch and a fair which turned out to be a market (but I spent less than 30 USD on activewear, so I'm not complaining!....much). This week will be very busy with holiday adventures, getting observation and work done, and preparing someone for a standardized test. EEK!

I am looking forward to it all!
\
Until next time,
K.

17-12-2013 Adventures on the Emotional Rollercoaster

Hello, all.

As some of you may know, I am no stranger to traveling, or living in new places. Now that I can say that I have resided in a foreign country, I am now not so much a stranger to the abroad living, and with living abroad comes some side effects that may not be perceived as so pleasant. 

First of all, you are not surrounded by close friends or family Surrounded by or a two, if not four-hour drive away from someone you feel comfortable being yourself with. That is, unless you are studying abroad with fellow students who also speak and understand your native language. This automatically cuts down on your level of comfort, because your ability to communicate with others with ease has been (mostly voluntarily) taken away from you. 85% of the time I enjoy trying to speak with others in my language, while learning theirs, making a bit of language gumbo in the efforts of having a conversation. It's that other fifteen percent, where all I want to do is vent, or cry, or have a quick joke with somebody and not have to explain it because the metaphor or idiom is well-known between us, that is where I falter, my positive energy flickering as the confidence in my support is nigh.

It is not that the support is not there. How should I describe it? Okay, here: Think of a friend you hang out with, say, once to a few times a week. Now, talk to them through emails and text for a while, but do not talk to them in the real world. Do this for a month. Actually, see how long you can do it for. Try it, and you may notice a shift in your relationship, because the psychological chemicals exchanged when you spend time with them aren't there; you aren't hearing their voice, or how their speech pattern flows, the humor in their voice when they tell a joke, the emotions active on their face as they talk about activities in their life and the frustrations ,and joys they encounter. This, and vice versa. Yes, the base communication is there, but what makes you feel comfortable is not. Like the Harlowe's study.

And with this infrequent support, we become more dependent on it, just like brand name merchandise: the less there is of it, and less attainable, the greater the desire for it. 

Also, with the support not as available, this makes room for more self-doubt, in terms of self, abilities, joy, ability to achieve love. 

Here's something to consider: if you feel this way, you need to look inside yourself and ask why and where you feel self doubt. It may be difficult, but if you are able to look at where you are, and the how-to's, you might be able to find a way out of the slump you found yourself in. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but, the first step in making a recovery, and improving oneself is to identify what it is that is causing problems, and then create possible solutions.

For example, I had been doubting my ability in teaching, some of it was doubt supplied to me by others, and those seeds planted and sown, began to grow in my mind, my own self-doubt fueling the growth. I reached a point where I saw that I had to stop thinking this way, because it wasn't doing me any good. FIRST PROBLEM IDENTIFIED. 

Second problem: I had gotten lazy

• I made excuses like, "I don't know where to start," "What do I need to teach?" "How am I going to teach them?" "When do I come in" <-- This alone put the responsibility on someone else, so I realized that I had to make myself responsible, using more sayings like "This is when I am free, choose the time" or "I need to teach..." "It's time to start, and if I do not know where, start at the beginning of it all:the basics."
• Instead of getting creative, and developing and listing ideas, I distracted myself with unproductive activities, like catching up on tv shows... 
• ...and movies

Third problem: I dawdled 

• Look at above listings: reliance on others to set up my appointments rather than being proactive about it
• not self-promoting
• looking at facebook and how well other people were doing.

Fourth problem: I focused on other people than myself

• I wanted to get what they had and grew envious without thinking about how they got there
• Jealousy made me lazier and more negative in my outlook on things
• I tried to make my time for other people in order to please them, but they were not returning the efforts.

Now, as you may see, none of the above actions I had been taken were driving me forward, and it will take me some time to try to change my habits, but (and that's a bit but) I have made the first step in progress by addressing the issue.

Notes on my transition into not only a better mindset, but my taking action of it, will be recorded.

I would like to leave you with a quote that brought me some motivation, and that holding onto the negative and my shortcomings of the todays are of little value; each day brings new adventures and are always a beginning to something, if not another day.

With a new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Until next time,
K.

16-12-2013 Weekends and the end of them.

FORENOTE: I know I have been much delayed with providing a sense of musical expression, I know. Right now, my skills are a little bit weak for identification, but I provide you with a playlist to listen to while you read. Enjoy, or just listen without reading. (By the way, if you haven't yet, and you like music, check out KEXP

Good morning/afternoon!
It's Monday and a start to another set of five days. While a new day is to new beginnings, what about new weeks? Should we claim that those are to new eras? Think about it, we will have our struggles, our triumphs (and they may be big), and we also have our shortcomings; Time goes forward and continues to do so endlessly. As people, we tend to look back on the past. This is not a bad thing, don't get me confused. Cultures look at their past to remember and hold onto what makes them that culture. Students learn of history of medicine, wars, and cultural movements, with hope by their prior generations that mistakes are not repeated. Then, some of us become stuck in our memories. While memories serve as our personal documentaries, always available for access, they can also limit us in moving forward in our lives; if we focus and hold on to what happened once in our lives and not to what is in the present, or the opportunities the future holds for us, then what are we doing? Even I admit that I have fallen into this rut of living in my memory and isolating myself from the world. The problem with this is that I tended to reside on what actions I could have taken, but didn't, to improve my present: who I talked to, how often I made an effort to keep in touch with others, my involvement in activities, my investments overall. As I keep trying to reexamine the possible pathways, I forget to tend to what I have going on now, my current friends, my family, where I am, and what I have accomplished.

The good news is that the people I do have remind me: of what I have and the good that is going on, not to mention their affirmative energy towards me. I am not sure how well I would be without the love and support from them, and I am always thankful, even when I forget to say each time I see them.
Let's talk about the past for a quick moment! The past, as in, this past weekend ( "ateet laew"). Friday was the start, and it was a great start. I gathered the nerves to ask a friend to go exercising with me and she introduced me to SiMuang Garden, an open park with sports fields and courts which were actively used by many people. Most of these people were teens and young adults, and that was a major change for me. Actually, what I witnessed was the most life and livelihood going on in one place for multiple recreational activities, and it was exhilarating. It gave me the energy to run three quarters of a mile after a week of no exercise due to the injury from my slip. Well, that, and the fact that it was seven in the evening, and the temperature was not in its peak. After that, my friend, as a celebration, took me to Mocha, a small and comfortable restaurant where I had my first traditional Thai Coffee ("olay-yen"). Oddly enough, many Thai people, my friend included, call the restaurant "Moo-sha," or "Moh-sha," which was funny to my ears, and my friend and I shared a good laugh about the pronunciation. Other people listened in, and joined in our frivolities of the word and it added to a good close to the evening.
Saturday continued my incurrence of new experiences. One of them being a noodle house that seemed to be popular, as it was filled with people every time I strolled by. This cued my temptation to try the food. One setback: it was all in Thai:the menus, the language of the employees, everything. Luckily, there was a good Samaritan who knew a little English to help me decide on what to order (noodles, rice, white type of noodle bowl, etc). With that, I was served noodles in a coconut bowl, mmm!

 Around 7:00P.M, my friend came by and we went to a festival celebrating the history of Rayong, in the old part of town.  

 

It was loud, and there was food everywhere, as well as street artists, and vendors of other sorts. Art galleries were of open access for the public, to which we wandered about and appreciated pieces. We also happened to run into many people Nai, my friend, knew. Apparently she knows a lot of people, and it was evident. While at the festival, we met with other associates of the hospital I am working at now, and all were very friendly. One of these friends even mentioned that another celebration would be happening the next weekend, at SiMuang Garden. (Is it possible that I may have new plans?) After the festival, we decided to grab a small bite to eat, and go home. We found a small food park/market to eat food,and made our way back for the evening.

 Vendors selling all sorts of pad Thai, friend rice, snacks and sweets.

Lights canopied the road, which was made of brick, and the road itself was congested with the traffic of people.

The lights! 

 At the festival, we even indulged in some nummy coconut water, freshly made and with bits of coconut! We even had the option to drink it out of bamboo shoots.

Children performed in cute dancing and lipsyncing numbers, with flashy lights!

 Some important people in the culture and history of Rayong: politicians and athletes!

At the entrance, we exited.

Sunday consisted mainly of errands and tasks. Getting Microsoft Office for my PC (Finally), craft supplies for Kevin, and binders and dividers for me, wahoo! Oh! And I received one of the best Christmas presents: a helmet. That way I can protect my head for the motor taxi treks I will need to make.

And on to the present. It is Monday, the start to the new work week, and so far, I think it was okay, and should be full of optimism. It is a week of integrated observation, and so far, I have had two signs of positivity: one, I took a motor taxi to work in the morning, and I asked for a ride, reciting the practiced phrase I was taught Friday, then asked for the price to agree on. The driver I asked told me that the price was 30 baht. This surprised me because my aunt informed me that the cost was 40 THB, and the first time I used the taxi, the cost was 40 THB. A ten baht discount without an exchange of bargaining is uplifting. Of course, when I told my aunt, she asked me if I flirted with the driver, and I chuckled and admitted with honesty that I didn't, having only stated what I was taught, and dressed appropriately. 

Maybe it was the red helmet.

At work, I met with a few of the employees of the Customer Service desk, introducing myself, and asking for introductions. I think that may be one of the most difficult things to do in socializing, making the first move to talk and get to know one another. Well, the good news is that, even in the short time I spent (about three and a half hours) at the department, I learned the names of five employees, and was able to communicate some ideas. I think that teaching gives the person trying to educate an idea of the how and the why to be patient in communication. After I spoke to one of the employees, her named pronounced 'Wah-nee,' I waited for about twenty to thirty seconds for her to respond, wearing a smile. With the time I gave her, she answered, her intentions clear, and even asked questions. When she finished her speaking, she looked at me, and smiled, a little shaky, but I also saw a spark of accomplishment; she knew that she tried. To me, trying is all that matters, even if it takes more time. In fact, rushing someone to speak in a language that is foreign to them creates a negative appeal to learning a new language, and creates an obstacle for the speaker, because they are now more focused on the speed of trying to respond rather than understanding what they are listening to, and what they need to say. Another employee, Fuki, is an interpreter. She works other parts of the department, such as registration and the customer service, but she also can help in the translation process for the hospital. Before today, we had shared a few exchanges of words, mostly where I greeted her with a polite "Why," a salutation, and asking her how she is. As of recently, we have expanded our topics of verbal exchange. This included her gaining the courage to invite me to join her and other employees for going to eat a meal in the evening. I joyously accepted the invitation because not only does it help her, this also helps me in making more friendships, which increases my confidence.
My mother often tells me that if something is meant to be, it will often work in your favor; if it is not, it will be arduous and beyond stubborn, so do not force it. I keep these words in my mind during times that are trying, and times where things seem to work out magically. This is one of those cases, and I think that if I am reading the signs correctly, it means that I am definitely where I need to be right now, and should continue to work hard to prove my worth, because other people are starting to notice it.

Until next time,
K.

10-12-2013. Two Day Tuesdays

For those out there reading, hello again! I hope all is well with you, wherever you may be; Though, to be honest, I think I am the most frequent visitor to this page.
Anyways, today was the second day in which I worked, and so far, it has not felt like work yet. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I am gaining some experience in the process of communicating, and in logging information.
My first day of work, it comprised more or less of consultations than teaching, and making audio recordings for me to review. As I progress with teaching and practice, I will be using audio for my students to practice their speaking, and to compare their progress from when they began learning, and throughout the course. It is one thing to try speaking, and it is another to listen to a recording of how you sound, because it is how you sound to others. I realize that I must be comfortable with how I sound when I speak, because I will be hearing my voice more and more often in recordings when I work with my students. Another thing I have come to understand is that I will be teaching not only different levels of English, but English for different purposes; right now, I am building lessons for TOEFL preparation for one student, speech preparation with time management and Standard English in addition to different types of language (formal, informal, and jargon) for another, and General English speaking/listening skills with department-specific terminology and practices for another group. Eek! I'm glad that I will be spending all day at the hospital to do this, and I can not wait to have a work permit in my hands (it will be like Christmas came to me!) and be established as an employee. While things have been moving slower than I would have preferred, I have received much moral support from friends and family, who couldn't express the saying better: "good things come to those that wait." Yes, I have waited, and I will remain patient, but at the same time, I will work my butt off so that I can help the people here improve their English-speaking skills, their confidence in their ability to speak it, and their opportunity to pass exams that measure English-speaking and competency!

Those who like pictures, I (finally) took one, but not of work, though I was in my workplace, and it is of food. I visited a cute coffee shop (of course I would) and found that this location also sold macaroons or, depending on how you spell it, macarons. One iced vanilla coffee ('gae fae vanilla yen'), six macaro(o)ns, and 225฿ later, I left.

The flavors, from left to right: Coffee, lemon, coffee, strawberry, blueberry, caramel.

I actually do not recall eating a macaro(o)n in my life, and so this was a first. I was not disappointed, having tried only the blueberry flavored one. It was light and aerated, the cookie, and the filling was rich in flavor, without that buttery feeling or taste that comes with eating heavy buttercream. The coffee, well, you just can't go wrong with coffee for me, and mine even came with foam and a pretty design on top. The atmosphere was very cutesy, and the associates there were very nice, which I think made up for the slightly steep price. (225THB= ~ 7.80USD) But then again, I do not buy macaro(o)ns on the daily, so I am no expert.

Anyways, my titles to each blog do clue in to what I am to discuss, and this post is no different, though maybe slightly mysterious in it's connection. While "Day 2 Tuesdays" would make much more sense, "Two day Tuesdays" just sounds better, eh? Plus, I would actually like to use this post to bring up one of my earlier posts. I will have to admit that there was much frustration applied in writing this article, and it was really frustration that had built over a few months, because of the fact that I felt very restricted from expressing my thoughts freely. In fact, the only person who expresses all their thoughts openly, without a care to whether they were nice or not, is my uncle. He says whatever he wants, expecting nobody to be upset or to catch him on his actions; if they happen to do so, he, as my aunt so vividly painted it, would bite their head off. It is extremely frustrating, and this behavior is understandable (but isn't really acceptable). It is understandable because it displays how he feels insecure about certain aspects of himself, where her feels vulnerable, and when an animal feels cornered or vulnerable, they attack. While it isn't acceptable, he has built his own paradigm which makes him think it is okay for him to react in such a way, but not for other people: he has built a small fortune for himself and his family and he has very few friends that he remains in contact with and opts to not socialize with others when the opportunity strikes him. These friends, of course, either are at his financial status or better, or they are a life-long friend that has stuck with him. Him not having many friends means less people that will be vocal about their ideas which may or may not oppose his; as for his financial state, this tends to give people egos, making them think they are better than others, therefore they do not need to listen to what other people say.

The problem, though, with having built this state of mind is that it increases the likelihood of eroding important relationships that one may already have. For example, I see my aunt, and she is not the person when I first met her. By outsiders, she is seen as the woman who 'tamed the beast' that is my uncle, but as time has passed, I have grown to understand that she has been patient and not tamed him, but tolerated him. Many of her activities seemed to have been limited in order to appease this said beast of a man and, while I do understand that in a marriage does involve compromise and the occasional giving up of something, I feel that she has given up more for him than he has for her, in things she likes to do. Examples of these "We go to different restaurants and he orders the same thing every time," or "He doesn't like it when I bring work home." As far as I have heard on his side: "I have never cheated on her." In a healthy relationship, each partner must accept certain aspects of the other, and give in their partner every now and then, the keyword being each. Not one person giving into the demands of the other. And fear should not be used against the other to get what they want. 

Speaking of relationships, I would like to say, that after four months of spending time together, the one I have with my six year old cousin has blossomed into a very close and loving relationship, and I feel that he has definitely started to make progress towards his independence. Last night, he slept in his own bed, all night. Although I do have to say that I shared his room with him so he felt more secure, but he did not go downstairs once. He even said that he wanted to sleep upstairs for tomorrow night! That was a major stride taken. From there, we will continue to work on him sleeping in his own room more often, and then sleeping by himself in his own room for the entirety of the night. Then he will eat all of his food on his own in a reasonable amount of time, and then he will be doing more things independent of his parents, like bathing himself, dressing himself, cleaning up after himself, etc. But for now, he work on one thing at a time.

An update on my legs, I have dressed my one large scrape for the third time. It is a weird feeling, removing the bandage, cleaning the wound, and then applying a new bandage. There is a weird numbness that I have when I remove part of the bandage that are closer to the wound opening, which is due to the swelling. I do hope that when the swelling of my injuries goes down, my ability to feel pressure is back to normal, else I may need to see a physician (how convenient that I work in a hospital!)

At this moment now, it is time that I return to my teachings, learnings, and the general upkeep. If you like to talk, I welcome questions, responses, and any thoughts or ideas that enter your brain while or after reading each post!

Until next time,
K

8-12-2013 The Way I See it...

Well, today, it seems as though I should have plenty to say. much has happened over the weekend.
First off, Saturday was a great start. My cousin, Kevin, and my uncle attended a big GoKart race in Pattaya, leaving my aunt and me at the house. Thus, she and I attended the grand opening of the new clinic of Bangkok Rayong Hospital. Although the new clinic is not complete in its entirety, it looks pretty snazzy. I will have to apologize, I seemed to have forgotten my camera to take pictures for sharing, but not all is lost.
Because this clinic was new, what else was there needed besides a blessing by monks? As soon as my aunt and I arrived, we were greeted by the buzzing chants of monks in prayer. It is quite an experience, if I must say, very hypnotizing. Then, we walked around, talking to employees at the hospital. I ran into the executive board, all of the members (which is three, by the way). The first member I had shared a conversation with goes by the name of Dr. W., a very friendly gentleman who is also the Assistant Director of the hospital. While in lively discussion with him, I mentioned my excitement that I would be coming to the hospital Monday to start working with the Director of the hospital, Dr. N. As soon as I stated this, his response was brilliantly humorous!
"What? Oh, I think he and I will have to fight soon! I want to learn English with you!"
I don't know about my current readers, but this is funny in American humor as well! Anyways, at the ceremony, many people were in discussion, talking about their lives, the clinic, the hospital, etcetera, and then we all joined together for lunch. Albeit, I wasn't able to eat much of the food, even many of my fellow Thai friends eating agreed that much of the food was too spicy to eat. Oh well, the dessert was fantastic! I was introduced to a new type of dessert. It was a mix between a jelly snack, and rock candy. I was informed that they called it 'crispy jelly', and it was visually alluring and innocent-looking. As many Americans are told throughout their life, looks aren't everything. In fact, these sweet-looking treats are quite literally sugar. I am sure children who like to eat these devilish snacks often are wrought with cavities, eek!
After that was a relaxing day, and I was able to spend some quality time with my cousin. I called it "Big Boy Night."  We made a fantastic blanket fort, in which we used for me to read him two bedtime stories

Gotta love being a kid! In fact, we made strides forward by sleeping in his room, in his own bed! This worked, too! We shared a twin-sized bed until I knew he was fast asleep, and I crossed the hall to my room to pass out. This worked, of course, for part of the night, because he went down to his parents' bed in the middle of the night, after I had fallen into dead sleep (not an easy thing for me) because I did not hear is normal stomping down stairs,  but the next morning, his night light was on with the AirCon, and the stairwell light was on. The good news, as I was reported to, was that although he did come downstairs, he was not sad or crying. I would claim that we are moving forward with increasing my cousin's independence! 

Now, that being said, Sunday turned into a different story. Come breakfast time, after I cleaned up the remnants of "BBN," we all ate breakfast, and as part of eating, we are also working on getting my cousin to feed himself in a reasonable amount of time. By that, we (my aunt and myself, who normally eat with my cousin) tell him to eat...regularly, but we no longer assist him, and we give him goals, and time limits. Now, since my uncle does not join us for dinner, he also does not seem to witness this practice, but has complained that his son needs people to feed him; he wants his son to feed himself,  often using the phrase, "Eat, or get beat." Now, I do not condone threats of violence as a way to getting what you want out of a child, but is it my job to dictate him how to raise his own? No. Back to the story of breakfast: my uncle had completed his food, and my aunt and I remind Kevin to eat while we eat our food. Of course, poor Kevin is easily distracted by the running television in the kitchen, turning into a zombie, just staring at it. Because he was not eating, my uncle decided to take matters into his own hands and start feeding Kevin. Remember, my aunt and I have been regularly NOT feeding my cousin so that he starts to learn that he has to feed himself; what does feeding him do to the progress we had already made? It causes a regression. I will admit that my following approach to  the situation was not the most artful, but things must be said in order to be recognized.

I told my uncle that he should not feed him, because he (my cousin) would think that it's okay to be fed, and will want to always be fed by someone else, and we need to make him feed himself.

This seemed to have struck a nerve with my uncle, and when that happens, he does not respond well. In fact, if any error is noted on his part by anybody else, he immediately is angry with them. Most of the time, I do not say much to bring up any faults, but this, of course, was something that my aunt and I had been working on with my cousin and his development of independence, and growing up in general. The response I received did not argue against my point, but also said something else.

Quietly and seriously, my uncle stated, "Now. What goes on between my son and me, is business between my son and me. Do not forget that."

In a way, I did feel threatened by him, by the way he said this. But other emotions ran through me, one of them was anger; anger at the fact that his subtext stated that I should keep quiet about any opinions that I have that might oppose his. He must remember that times are and have been changing, women are not all going to school for their "MRS" degrees, people who are homosexual or African America exist and should have the rights as everybody else, especially those who put an effort into improving themselves, and more households are going Dutch in their lifestyles: cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their children. At the same time, I felt pity for him, because he couldn't accept these facts, and that his relationship with his son will never be as the relationship his son has with his mother, and that when asked about what my cousin loves of his father, his response is "four wheeler" or "go kart." Understandably, that is how my uncle shows love most of the time. There are other moments, brief as they may be, that his affection is less materialistic, but it is a blue moon.

The other feeling I had was disappointment, because of the hypocrisy my uncle had. He states that he wants his son to take care of himself, yet when we try to progress with Kevin, my uncle will demean the steps of progress or altogether destroy them. A good example, of course, is the feeding: us not feeding Kevin to make him feed himself, and my uncle feeding him because he is impatient. It is unfortunate, but as part of the household, I must obviously not comment on this, nor should I stand up for myself, apparently. It is extremely frustrating! 

While in this steam-blowing rant, a few nights ago, the Christmas tree was set up; funny enough that it's colors are that of Hanukkah.

The tree was set up before dinner, and Kevin, my aunt, and I would decorate it after dinner. Dinner came and went; Kevin had to finish all of his dinner or he was not allowed to decorate the tree that night. After dinner, my aunt and I cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes. We were finishing drying the last few dishes when my uncle struts in and acts like a Little Red Hen (if you are familiar with the story), saying:

"Well, I set up the tree, and I went and decorated it with Kevin, what are you going to do, huh?"

My aunt's response was "Look at it, I guess." in which my uncle, so sweet, decided to respond as he walked out, "You're not being a very good partner."
The fact that he even said something like this, while seeing that she and I were cleaning dishes, upset me very much. Even though he did not say it to me, he devalued his wife as a 'joke,' and that, by no means, is a good way to treat anybody you care about, especially doing it often. It's not funny, and it's not beneficial to the relationship.
For now, this is my rant of my uncle, in how he treats people, and how he expects to be treated. Honestly, I do not care that this may be considered passive-aggressive, because there is no way that I could peacefully talk to him about his actions or attitude.

That begin said, it's time to move on! I decided to go exercise on my own, which was fine, but ended in a slight disaster. The current athletic shoes I have do not have enough grip, and during one of my circuits, I managed somewhat of a decent injury, because I slipped on a step, and brushed both shins down it. The result:

A good amount of bruising and swelling, but only one part of open skin...which at first showed white (this concerns me a little, because I am hoping that it will not leave much of a scar). The swelling does cause me some discomfort so, for the moment, I may be limping around a little.

The nice thing is that the evening closed the day on a higher note. One, most of the steam of my anger from the morning blew out from expending energy in exercise and in going to the seafood festival in Ban Phe ("Bon Pay"). It may not seem like a lot to the locals, but it was a lot of fun to get out, wen it started to get dark, and see other people, and lights turning on while there was celebration going on. Of course, I took pictures this time! I went with my friend, Nai, and we meandered down aisle of stalls people used to sell clothing, furniture, food, and other doodads. The smells as I walked around made my mouth water. For dinner, we ate grilled white snapper with fried rice, and snacked on sticky rice and some kind of interpretation of a corndog. We stayed through the sunset, when the lights came on, which you will see as you progress through some of these pictures, and it was altogether an enjoyable experience. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

 The food below quite literally translates into English as "Bald man." It is a hot dog chunk dipped in patter, deep-fried, then dipped into batter again, and deep-fried. The hot dog was the surprise!

Sweets on a stick!

 Eating area

 Cake!

I have no idea what is in those waffle treats...yet.

Strawberry cups

Horseshoe crabs... for food!

An assortment of mushrooms

Bugs... EVERYWHERE

 Ah! Something I'm familiar with: kabobs

Sticky rice in bamboo shoots, one of my favorites!

This white snapper and fried rice was DOMINATED.

Well, big day is ahead, and I still have plenty of work to get done for tomorrow. I apologize for my rant; this is one of my current outlets for any frustrations I may not be able to get through publicly, but I would like to delve into the subject of developmental psychology and my current experiences with it. I think I will also look into how to make some delicious sticky rice. ;)

Until next time,

K.