Thoughts: I'm not Alone! Singlehood, AKA " Four Reasons to Why I'm Single"

Hello all,
So, I know that you're reading this bit, and I bet you're thinking that I'm going to rag on other people and why they all suck and blah, blah, blah... Or maybe I'm going to start blaming the Internet and other technological apparatuses for the "lack of connection."

Eh, I might do a little bit of ragging, and a little bit of blaming, but really? I don't attribute these as my sole reasons to why I'm not making reservations for a party of two.

First, let me get the "ragging" out of the way. Sure, technology has made it easier to contact other, yet the contact is quite disconnected in communicating with someone in a way that makes it easier to see people not as people. Sure, many of us are desensitized to the dangers of the public nature of the internet, and how that can break someone's reputation, in the hands of the wrong person. Of course, people nowadays are really into the "hookup generation," where commitment is relative, and nobody wants to label anything for the fear that they might actually have a relationship going on, and think they will have a nuclear-explosion of an ending.

But that's not why I'm not in a relationship of that sort.

I suppose that one of the reasons, when I think about it, is that yes, I'm emotionally unavailable, by what the internet claims.
Really (<--CLICK HERE!)
The way I see it isn't that I'm emotionally unavailable, but more preoccupied with other things in my life.

Funny enough, these are the top five questions you get in Thailand:
1)Where are you from? ("Where you from?")
2) How long have you been in Thailand? ("How long you stay in Thailand?")
3) Do you have a boyfriend? ("You have boyfriend?")
4) Why did you come to Thailand? ("Why you come Thailand?")
5) Can you eat spicy food?/ Do you like Thai food?

Top five, no joke. If you are a foreign girl visiting Thailand, I guarantee that you will be asked this question, and every time I get asked, I cringe inside, because I don't know how to explain the reason in a way that they understand. This is my typical response.

Thai Woman: "You have boyfriend?"
Me:                 "No"
Thai Woman: "Why?"
Me:                 "I don't have time"

This usually works, but the thing that makes me cringe is the question "why."  I think a lot of people can agree to that feeling, because of the subtext of the ominous question. Anytime someone asks why, really. It's the subtle way of judgement, like "What's wrong with you?/ What's your defect?/ How can you stand being single?/etc."

It's really not about what's the matter with me, or what's wrong with guys, but about what things we are looking for in life right now, and where our focuses lie. Often, my priorities are nowhere near that of another person's, which leads to incompatibility.

Now, to the meat and potatoes. Aka "Why I'm Single"
1) My priorities: I know I have mentioned it before, but it is true. my priorities typically run like this

1. My health
2. My sanity
3. My work
4. My family
5. My living space
6. My social life

The majority of these priorities are about me. It's not being self-centered. It's because I'm taking care of one person, me, so I must address my needs first.

2) My schedule: My schedule, as many people in my life know, is busy. I normally work 6 days a week, having private appointments, making time to exercise. It's a miracle when I can fit in 3 meals in my day.

3) My tolerance: When it comes to family, I try to be tolerant. When it comes to friends, I'm a bit less tolerant in who I spend my time with. When it comes to a significant other, I'm even less tolerant. It sounds weird, but I have the luxury to choose my friends, and the person I date (with the exception that they choose me in return). I want to make sure I can handle being around them for long periods of time. This has a strong dependency on:

• their respect of me
• their respect of my time
• their respect of themselves

It, you see, has a strong dependency on how they treat themselves and others

4) My apathy: towards relationships. I just have no real emotion about moving into them.

So, in general, yes, I am the key to whether I get into a relationship with someone or not, but I put my reasoning, not into that I'm against guys, and they suck. (they really don't) but the combination of what's going on in my life, and how that is taken by others. Reason four isn't really much of a reason, it's more like a filler. In all honesty, if I feel that I could be in a relationship with someone, and they seem to reciprocate, I do make the effort to make the time (they just have to make the effort to understand and respect).

A general amount of thoughts.
K.

10-12-2013. Two Day Tuesdays

For those out there reading, hello again! I hope all is well with you, wherever you may be; Though, to be honest, I think I am the most frequent visitor to this page.
Anyways, today was the second day in which I worked, and so far, it has not felt like work yet. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I am gaining some experience in the process of communicating, and in logging information.
My first day of work, it comprised more or less of consultations than teaching, and making audio recordings for me to review. As I progress with teaching and practice, I will be using audio for my students to practice their speaking, and to compare their progress from when they began learning, and throughout the course. It is one thing to try speaking, and it is another to listen to a recording of how you sound, because it is how you sound to others. I realize that I must be comfortable with how I sound when I speak, because I will be hearing my voice more and more often in recordings when I work with my students. Another thing I have come to understand is that I will be teaching not only different levels of English, but English for different purposes; right now, I am building lessons for TOEFL preparation for one student, speech preparation with time management and Standard English in addition to different types of language (formal, informal, and jargon) for another, and General English speaking/listening skills with department-specific terminology and practices for another group. Eek! I'm glad that I will be spending all day at the hospital to do this, and I can not wait to have a work permit in my hands (it will be like Christmas came to me!) and be established as an employee. While things have been moving slower than I would have preferred, I have received much moral support from friends and family, who couldn't express the saying better: "good things come to those that wait." Yes, I have waited, and I will remain patient, but at the same time, I will work my butt off so that I can help the people here improve their English-speaking skills, their confidence in their ability to speak it, and their opportunity to pass exams that measure English-speaking and competency!

Those who like pictures, I (finally) took one, but not of work, though I was in my workplace, and it is of food. I visited a cute coffee shop (of course I would) and found that this location also sold macaroons or, depending on how you spell it, macarons. One iced vanilla coffee ('gae fae vanilla yen'), six macaro(o)ns, and 225฿ later, I left.

The flavors, from left to right: Coffee, lemon, coffee, strawberry, blueberry, caramel.

I actually do not recall eating a macaro(o)n in my life, and so this was a first. I was not disappointed, having tried only the blueberry flavored one. It was light and aerated, the cookie, and the filling was rich in flavor, without that buttery feeling or taste that comes with eating heavy buttercream. The coffee, well, you just can't go wrong with coffee for me, and mine even came with foam and a pretty design on top. The atmosphere was very cutesy, and the associates there were very nice, which I think made up for the slightly steep price. (225THB= ~ 7.80USD) But then again, I do not buy macaro(o)ns on the daily, so I am no expert.

Anyways, my titles to each blog do clue in to what I am to discuss, and this post is no different, though maybe slightly mysterious in it's connection. While "Day 2 Tuesdays" would make much more sense, "Two day Tuesdays" just sounds better, eh? Plus, I would actually like to use this post to bring up one of my earlier posts. I will have to admit that there was much frustration applied in writing this article, and it was really frustration that had built over a few months, because of the fact that I felt very restricted from expressing my thoughts freely. In fact, the only person who expresses all their thoughts openly, without a care to whether they were nice or not, is my uncle. He says whatever he wants, expecting nobody to be upset or to catch him on his actions; if they happen to do so, he, as my aunt so vividly painted it, would bite their head off. It is extremely frustrating, and this behavior is understandable (but isn't really acceptable). It is understandable because it displays how he feels insecure about certain aspects of himself, where her feels vulnerable, and when an animal feels cornered or vulnerable, they attack. While it isn't acceptable, he has built his own paradigm which makes him think it is okay for him to react in such a way, but not for other people: he has built a small fortune for himself and his family and he has very few friends that he remains in contact with and opts to not socialize with others when the opportunity strikes him. These friends, of course, either are at his financial status or better, or they are a life-long friend that has stuck with him. Him not having many friends means less people that will be vocal about their ideas which may or may not oppose his; as for his financial state, this tends to give people egos, making them think they are better than others, therefore they do not need to listen to what other people say.

The problem, though, with having built this state of mind is that it increases the likelihood of eroding important relationships that one may already have. For example, I see my aunt, and she is not the person when I first met her. By outsiders, she is seen as the woman who 'tamed the beast' that is my uncle, but as time has passed, I have grown to understand that she has been patient and not tamed him, but tolerated him. Many of her activities seemed to have been limited in order to appease this said beast of a man and, while I do understand that in a marriage does involve compromise and the occasional giving up of something, I feel that she has given up more for him than he has for her, in things she likes to do. Examples of these "We go to different restaurants and he orders the same thing every time," or "He doesn't like it when I bring work home." As far as I have heard on his side: "I have never cheated on her." In a healthy relationship, each partner must accept certain aspects of the other, and give in their partner every now and then, the keyword being each. Not one person giving into the demands of the other. And fear should not be used against the other to get what they want. 

Speaking of relationships, I would like to say, that after four months of spending time together, the one I have with my six year old cousin has blossomed into a very close and loving relationship, and I feel that he has definitely started to make progress towards his independence. Last night, he slept in his own bed, all night. Although I do have to say that I shared his room with him so he felt more secure, but he did not go downstairs once. He even said that he wanted to sleep upstairs for tomorrow night! That was a major stride taken. From there, we will continue to work on him sleeping in his own room more often, and then sleeping by himself in his own room for the entirety of the night. Then he will eat all of his food on his own in a reasonable amount of time, and then he will be doing more things independent of his parents, like bathing himself, dressing himself, cleaning up after himself, etc. But for now, he work on one thing at a time.

An update on my legs, I have dressed my one large scrape for the third time. It is a weird feeling, removing the bandage, cleaning the wound, and then applying a new bandage. There is a weird numbness that I have when I remove part of the bandage that are closer to the wound opening, which is due to the swelling. I do hope that when the swelling of my injuries goes down, my ability to feel pressure is back to normal, else I may need to see a physician (how convenient that I work in a hospital!)

At this moment now, it is time that I return to my teachings, learnings, and the general upkeep. If you like to talk, I welcome questions, responses, and any thoughts or ideas that enter your brain while or after reading each post!

Until next time,
K

3-12-2013. Time for Politics

If you have been paying attention to the international news, then you probably have found out that there is protesting going on in Thailand, against the current government. It was not violent until recently, when the pro-government forces have reacted. This article should give a quick glimpse into what is currently ongoing in Thailand. Basically, the people protesting the government are protesting against the current Prime Minister, Yingluck Shinawatra, for abusing her current party's power to assist in the " behind-the-scenes power," of her brother, Thakshin Shinawatra. Fear for the corruption of the government seems to be fueling the protests.  
Where I am, the violence has not spread to, but it does raise some concern for my family and myself that the more aggrassive protesting has increased geographically; where it was solely in Bangkok (the violence, not the protesting), there has been threats of violence as well in Phuket, a popular tourist location. That being said, There is still major concerned posed by the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, because the violence will hinder the influx of traveler's visiting. Based on this article's information, about 10% of the economy in Thailand is from tourism, kind of a major ouch there.

Onto other news, let's talk a little more about politics, yeah? How about that of the United States. The big thing that is going on now is: "Obamacare," also know as the Affordable Care Act. As far as I have been hearing, it is being challenged fairly vociferously by governmental representatives of numerous states. I believe that there indeed should be concern as well. While I understand that healthcare may be expensive, and health insurance difficult to come by, we have to think a little. To which demographic of the United States population does this actually appeal to? Obviously, we know it is not for the rich. So, let's look at the lower income groups. It is stated that "Low-income individuals and families whose incomes are between 100% and 400% of the federal poverty level will receive federal subsidies on a sliding scale if they purchase insurance via an exchange.^[37] Those from 133% to 150% of the poverty level will be subsidized such that their premium costs will be 3% to 4% of income.^[38] In 2013, the subsidy would apply for incomes up to $45,960 for an individual or $94,200 for a family of four; consumers can choose to receive their tax credits in advance, and the exchange will send the money directly to the insurer every month" (Wikipedia, y'all). Wait, so what about Medicaid?

"Medicaid is the United States health program for families and individuals with low income and resources. The Health Insurance Association of America describes Medicaid as a "government insurance program for persons of all ages whose income and resources are insufficient to pay for health care."

So, then what is the real difference between Obamacare and Medicaid? They both are systems that assist lower-income groups of people to pay for their medical bills. If there is already one system, why add another? Plus, in terms of history, something may look fantastic on paper, but would never work out when actually trying it out. Some of these historical pieces include the journey towards creating the "perfect" Aryan race, Communism, Socialism in Cuba, etc. The reason why is that other factors besides numbers must be put into order. such as the people, the current economic status of the country, the current systems going on, etc. In addition to that, there needs to be a balance, with every push there needs to be a pull, with every gain, there needs to be a loss of some sort, so what would be the loss that accompanies this so-called gain? That would losses for the health insurance companies as well as the healthcare systems. If the healthcare system is spread out too quickly, the quality of many of the services would decline, in my opinion. The healthcare professionals in the United States tend to pay a hefty malpractice insurance fee as a form of protection, and if their income is decreased, whether it be due to influx of customers, or the governmental decree that the cost of all services be lowered, that gives them less to support themselves, Yes, there are some doctors who throw their money around, but that is not the case for everyone.Anyways, I feel that much of the quality of healthcare would diminish if it was made readily available and extremely inexpensive.
That being said, I could go on and on about the welfare system, but I need to make sure my research holds up so that I can make a good rant about the ineffectiveness of it. 
On other news, I am informed that I am to begin working next week, and shall remain in contact with the HR head, so that this ball will really get rolling. Time to release a big "FINALLY!" with that. The jacket is well on its way to turning into something. Right now, I mostly just have one sleeve almost finished, and that took only a couple of weeks of hand sewing. I think I am developing a blister on my thumb! That being said, I am really quite excited to see the final product, and I am just about halfway done with the most difficult part. And I understand that I will need a small camera now so that I can easily and readily take pictures anywhere I go so that everyone can see what is really going on. Unfortunately a tablet isn't small enough to bring everywhere, though it is convenient in quickly posting pictures.


Alrighty, off to do some life experiences and eat papaya!
Until next time,
K

28-11-2013.

Today, it rained somewhat heavily, to later reveal the sun a clear sky!

Just a quick glimpse of it while I work on some plans in a new coffee shop I am trying out. Luckily, coffee shops are everywhere, and I can try everybody's different versions of coffee. I am in HEAVEN... which will be disappointing for my return to the states, considering how strong much of the coffee here is.

As for now, my aunt has been recovering very nicely from her sessions of chemotherapy. Her hair is now more than a centimeter long! Speaking of chemotherapy, a young man who graduated high school in my year has been at battle Hodgkin's Lymphoma for the past four and a half years, and he has done something about it. He has established, with a few other young adults fighting cancer, a foundation that encourages and promotes young adults diagnosed with cancer to live their life to the fullest, and offers assistance to them to participate in adventures. Here is an article which I recommend any of the readers to check out! It is amazing what young people can accomplish when they set not only their mind to it, but their heart as well; that, and how much support one will receive from others. So, just a note to everyone, live your life to the way you want it to be, and live it to the fullest. A wise woman has told me many times, "Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive anyways," and if you really think about it, it's true. If you want something, work for it, and work hard.

As for my personal updates, with my non-immigrant B visa established, I have much more time here, and am in the process of getting my work permit processed so that I can start in the next week or two. I am unbelievably more excited as this experience start time is approaching closer and closer! I had been stressing for much time while I waited, but now, I am just working, writing, and thinking. To be honest, I attribute some of the to my six-year old cousin, Kevin, who has unintentionally been inspiring me in searching for more opportunities in methods and tactics of teaching him and the quick-thinking. We are practicing speech therapy, mathematics, logical thinking, story-telling, spelling and reading. It is amazing. I even need to refresh what I learned in my Developmental Psychology course, because a lot of what I have experienced with my cousin reminds me of different lessons from the course. I must say, though, it is tricky to think of how to present lessons to adults whose first language is not English, no doubt, presenting them will still be fun!
While I have been patiently waiting, I decided to be a little more proactive! Currently working on two creative projects: a jean jacket (hand-sewn), and a play script. I recently completed a bracelet for my cousin to help him remember the order of the days of the week, using colors associated with each day. Hopefully I can complete the two major projects by February or earlier! I also have taken to walking around the city much more frequently and covering more distance. With that, I found a nifty coffee shop with a very nice owner and young employees. I also became enamored by a ham of a kitten

D'awwwww. I still can't get over him. The coffee was fantastic as well, of course! And I have been running into some very interesting people. My most recent encounter is a gentleman from Cameroon, who plays soccer for a team in Thailand. He has inspired me to go back outside and exercise, in the fashion I was much accustomed to while in the US. I just need to add in my yoga and meditation and should be set.
That's it for now, for I shall return to stitching one of the sassy sleeves of my project. Topics I would like to cover soon: exercise, and the perception of Americans as perceived by others.
-K

9-9-2013. What has happened?

Alrighty, so it's been a week since I've hugged my mom goodbye. Since then, I've completed most of my TESOL certification, and will be done by TOMORROW. Things are really picking up now! With my almost being finished with TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), I will be able to increase my pay rate, as per my aunt. She has been the biggest help in this whole process, and I don't want to let her down.

Now, as for the class, I'm (understandably) nervous, since this will be my first experience teaching a class. Although I'm nervous, I'm excited, because with this arises many new opportunities. I'm already starting to make friends here, with some of my future students, this brings me delight because I love increasing my social circle. Plus, we will teach each other; I will teach English, and will be taught Thai in return. This, in addition to networking, makes me feel a little more comfortable, because my uncertainty, though very strong, is diminishing, little by little.
On the topic of cooking, I've yet to figure out how to operate the oven. My uncle says not to use it, my aunt says that it is in working order. For all who know me, we know that I can bake up a storm when the urge overtakes me; here poses a little bit of a challenge. I have been introduced to new foods, as well as the lack of common luxuries I'm used to in the States. What does that mean? Time to get creative! The options are extremely colorful with all the fruit here. As I mentioned before, I am all about that Salak fruit. It is just so succulent and tart and sweet and mmMmm! I think that if I can figure out a good pairing with that fruit, it would make a delicious fruit tart. Or a filling to cake! The rambutan have the texture and taste a little bit like an apple... Rambutan-ginger-lime hand pies? How about Longon... hmmm very many options! Then there is dragonfruit. It took me such a long time to relate it to a fruit, there was a certain squish to it, and a crunchiness with the seeds; and then it hit me, KIWI! Similar texture, even the crunch with the seeds. And the flavor is light and sweet, I think I could have some fun experimenting with that.

Now, restaurants, I've been to quite a few, and the ones I enjoy visiting most are the Thai-cuisine restaurants. It's not that I don't appreciate the other cuisine restaurants, but if I'me visiting another country, I would like to eat the food it provides, and enjoy the culture that joins it. Soup, seafood, noodles, and fruit are all just a small portion of the wide variety there is in Thai food! I may go to a KFC or Italian restaurant at some point, but I'd like to acclimate first. The other thing, if I haven't mentioned, is the coffee. Seriously, here, it's like: coffee CoffEE! COFFEE!!!! There is practically a coffee shop every bloc here. I will never have to worry about being left to dry and frazzled without coffee. I'm not saying I have a caffeine addiction, far from it, but I do love the taste of coffee, even if it's decaf.

On to the social and personal life stuff. I've kept in touch with anybody who has informed me that they would like to keep in touch: friends and family. It is also nice to see who would like to stay in touch, in addition to having an anchor to something that brings comfort. By that, I mean, support and interest, not necessarily the location of which I've left for the time being. While I enjoy being reminded of "home," and what's going on there, life moves forward, and so shall I. Time for reminiscence is to be limited so that the time to learn is given ample opportunity. Therefore, living in the present is actually happening. That is one of the major problems of society today; so many young adults attach themselves to their electronics, and to their "glory days" or the "easy days" that they don't notice what is happening right in front of them.

And finally, a philosophical thought.
That is one thing being a theater major has taught me: to live in the present. If one were to look at this, they'd probably say, "Yeah, well I am," but think, what does that command even mean? Yes, we are living in the present, but, are we living in the present, really experiencing, smelling, seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting this moment. I think that the phrase is rich with the subtext that one must find the quality in each moment they are living, rather than reading into it and giving what they think is the appropriate response. The only appropriate response is your honest response.

Good night, and live in the present, live in YOUR presence.
-K