19-1-2014(2557) Sunday Blues

Welcome to the end of the weekend!
For some of you, it actually is just another work day, or maybe it's the beginning of your weekend. For most of us, it's back to the 9 to 5 job Monday through Friday.
For me, it is a busy week that I can't wait to get a good start on.
Let's update on what has happened in the past week.

First, I observed the department of Emergency services, meeting ER nurses, doctors, and practical nurses. It was so much fun. There was much energy and, although at first everybody was shy, by the end of each day, I was surrounded by nurses asking me questions. I practiced speaking some of my Thai, and they practiced speaking their English, trying to absorb as much as they could then and there.

Then Friday came, and it was time to celebrate. We were celebrating for four people: one girl recently was promoted, one girl recently became engaged, one girl has her birthday today, and then me and having a job...so far. I will have to admit, that I was not accustomed to the "going out" scene, since I had been removed from it after graduation. Well, that seemed obvious after I happened to forget the how I arrived home. BUT, we met some nice young Swedish men who came to Thailand on holiday. My friends noticed them at dinner, and could not stop talking about them, and by the time we entered the adjoining club, the boys were already inside. Again, my friend oggled them and giggled, chatting about how badly they wanted them to join. So, I used my charm to bring them over and join us. Just a note, in Sweden, English is a second-language taught very strongly in the country, so for the most part, everybody is fluent. So the end of the story, I woke up at 7:30 in the morning, hoarse and hurting. It's an adventure that I plan to not repeat soon.

Back to work, now; I was recently asked to explain what I do, and my method. In the stage, I am currently observing what is known as the "Front Line." This group of people are key to the interaction with patients and customers, with duties ranging from simple greetings and giving directions to a ward, to setting appointments on the phone, to talking to international health insurance representatives, to evaluating vital signs, to giving medication to a patient, to informing the patient of the costs of the services and treatments they received.
Now, the point of observing these different departments is to better understand exactly what each department needs to learn based on their interaction with a patient. In addition to observing and understanding what kind of communication is necessary for the staff with a customer, the observation also allows me to understand the proficiency of each person, via simple conversation, and so on.
After observing each week, with notes taken, I create planning boards which help me visualize the duties, needs, lessons, and incorporated activities to use for each lesson. I'm kin of like a ten year old with these kind of planning projects, where I really need to have something big and in my face, that I can touch, and sift through. They include table, pictures, drawing, questions, phrases, and so on. In a way, these act as part of a work portfolio, for the planning process.
I have been using different resources for each lesson idea: vocabulary (to be incorporated every lesson), games, activities, testing material, images, teaching methods, grammar, reading and writing. The need for different sources is that there is more than one way to skin a cat, and there is more than one way to teach effectively. In fact, if the current activity I have planned isn't working, then that means we change the approach.

So, that's really it for right now. I also document every individual meeting, as well as every class, so that I have proof, and can use for future adventures. As I progress more and more into it, I will also have more and more details, and tactics, methods, hints, experiences, and what I've been learning.

Until next time,
K.

12.1.2014(2557) Learning as I Go

Hello, journal, and the rest of the audience who reads into what I write,
I have come to the immediate understanding that I can not stick to writing two posts a week, but I also understand that I most definitely need to try.
My last post was about having difficulty thinking, and it was unfortunately true. I think another part to my troubles in productivity involved my lack of enthusiasm for activating my mind and I will have to admit, without college, I sometimes feel completely lost. Graduating is like a breakup from a long relationship. Many people who are newly single after a period of two, maybe five years, of being one half of a couple tend to lose a sense of who they are now. Who they were was "So-and-so's boy/girlfriend|lover|partner|beau|Boo|babe|sweetheart|fiancee|...." Basically they were someone's someone. And now they're not.
I was the student of my school, for four (mostly) unforgettable years. I made triumphs, lost friends, made mistakes, went on adventures, laughed and cried, and bumbled messily through my classes. I envied others, and I learned to accept people for who they were....mostly. Now? Now I am a scared post-grad who feels clueless in what she's doing, stumbling through, making friends, going on adventures, laughing and crying, and making tri--wait! This sounds just like my time in college! Except... except I am in another country, surrounded by different people, and I am having to learn more responsibility. To be honest, this time is not all that different from when I went to university, I just have less people nearby me that are in the same situation. That is what brings me the most fear.
Anyways, now that I have had my slight mope-dump, here is some insight I would like to share: now that I am no longer someone's somebody, this opens opportunity for me to become who I am, and who I would like to be. Sure, I will make mistakes, and this won't be clean-cut, but life isn't meant to be that way. Also, it isn't meant to be easy, or else we wouldn't actually learn, or better yet, make progress.
Here's what I have learned so far from this past week:

• More people are keen to talk to me, and ask for classes
• Not only is there need for assistance in speaking and listening, but also in reading and writing.
• ^^I need to regress to when I learned reading and writing.
• January 20th marks my "Make-or-Break" day.
• If I fail at this, I am not a failure.
• The best friends I have may not always be available, but will be available when I most need them
• Who I know will get me further in this work than everything I do
• ^^^Everything I do can affect how who I know will work with me
• Exercise is my friend, but I need to learn how to schedule it
• Being afraid is normal, and having courage involves me do things I am afraid of doing, there is more reward in the outcome.
• The fear of failing is one of the biggest inhibitors to how I work. key words I need to learn: GET OVER IT
• aaaaaaand lastly: I am here not only to work, but to have a life experience that is meant to be enjoyable, therefore, I need to enjoy it. If I am not, then I need to change my approach.

For those who survived through my few epiphanies about struggling, and sludging about, you rock. In fact, you are part of my inspiration, as my "fan club." Those people are the best! Really, though, they are. These "fan club" people provide you with so much support even when you can not provide it for yourself. They also are really helpful when you are stuck with coming up with ideas. They do this by asking questions, some of which you may have not considered before, and then BOOM, now you can't stop doing what you do. So, thank you!
Pictures for you! Of my temple adventures, and New Year celebration at work. It's awesome.

First, a picture of the sunrise I saw arriving to the temple. Definitely worth waking up at five in the morning for.

People providing offerings to the monks before prayer.

 


A panoramic of the meditation room of the temple I stayed.....

There's a dress code, respect it.

There's even a women's temple for prayer, like for the female monks

In the mountains.....you get to see this.

Also, in Thailand, floating markets are a common tourist commodity. It's free for Thai people and residents who currently hold work permits. This one, was a little bit of a bust, only because I had seen the more interesting attractions before. Still, there were a few neat things!

There was a fun swinging bridge as well!

It was fun. And then the week began, a new department for observation. And celebrations. with pad thai, som tam (aka spicy papaya salad), and nam nueang (a finger food where you take a rice paper, and put ground pork, garlic, mango, pineapple, green banana, cucumber, chili, and a spicy sweet sauce, and wrap it up, and eat it)

As for more fearful things, I will need to something that has given me much stress to contemplate about, but needs to be done: to ask to start teaching a class with students soon: soon, as in in the next two weeks. I think the thing I fear most is failure. Though, with failure comes learning experience, and that I at least tried. And trying is more courageous than the act of not doing because of fear.

I will try to discuss more about my methods, and resource in the next few posts that I want to chug out, for those who are not only interested in what is going on, but want to know how to move forward. 

Until next time,

K.

31.12.2013-5.1.2014: The Stopper of Everything...Thinker's Block

Can you remember the last time you completed a project from start to finish, and not because your financial stability or grade point average depended on it?
I'm trying to think, so far, for my personal completions.
So far, it's a short list.
...I'm not saying that I haven't done much, I'm just saying that I cannot actually remember the last time I completed something for fun or a hobby, and for some reason, that creates a feeling of under-accomplishment for me.
I can't count the number of ideas of projects to begin, and those I have already begun, but many of those seems to have gotten lost on the journey towards completion. Books, writing, cooking (well, the cooking everyday kind of thing), and frankly, it's getting quite frustrating. Even for writing this post, I started it at the end of the year, and now am finally finishing and adding to the pile of the going ons. I think it deserves to say how long it took, to further justify that I am currently in a bit of a sludge.
The only problem with this... overall progress block, is the starting point.
So, here I go, my starting point:

New Year's Resolutions...

• Try to be a nicer person

....But not overly nice that guys get the wrong impression

• Be more courageous

Take more risks, and accept that failure is a possibility, if not probability

• Don't dump as much on others

Even my friends. They need that positive influence, right? They can't always be the therapist

• Take less crap from people

I am a human being, right? Not a sidewalk, therefore I should not be walked on.

• Put more effort in keeping in touch with friends

I know it's a longer distance, but they want to know that I care, yeah?
.....Side-note, do I call the people out who aren't putting in the same effort?

• Exercise more, eat better
• Commit to a solid schedule

Learn the importance of and improve time management

• Take on more responsibilities
• Watch less TV and read more books

There are a few books I can't wait to read, probably better than the TV series or movies anyways.
One list made!
Maybe I should commit to writing more lists! Oh, and listen to more music...
So, let's go back to the title: Thinker's Block. I say this because, even though someone has writer's block, it doesn't mean that they are unproductive in everything, just in committing to focusing on writing on maybe one topic to give to their peers. Right now, I have been unproductive in more than one area, and the problem, I think, is that my thoughts aren't fully forming. Maybe it is due to my valley of exercise activity from last week. With the lack in physical activity, maybe my mental activity also felt that it needed to slow down. The way to describe how my thoughts were working is to describe an image. Think of a person in a padded room. They can not get out because the door is locked. They don't get hurt when they fall, or run into a wall because it is cushioned, yet they are unable to move the wall itself. My thoughts are this entrapped person, and the running into the walls expresses how I feel my thoughts have been working. Another possible reason for my sludginess in thinking is that I may or may not have gotten too comfortable in my box. Comfort is not a good thing for moving forward for me, because it doesn't motivate me to move ahead, and push. I need to identify what this box is, and how to get out of it. Past events may have resulted in my getting into this box in the first place, unfortunately, so I will, again, need to address how to handle the events, and move forward.
I think cutting down on TV activities, returning to a healthy exercise regimen and reading more books (with writing included) should help me get my groove back. So long, 2013, hello 2014 and the adventures and struggles you will introduce me to. Another year-long affair in the making, whether is it a love, hate or love-hate type, we will see.

Next topics for pondering: recent adventures with pictures. And hey, the oven works! It. Is. ON.

Until next time,
K.

29-12-2013. What's for dessert?

Hello, all!
So, I finally had some spare time to myself, in quiet, and that meant that I needed to do something. So, I did some laundry. Vacuumed and mopped, picked up someone's Christmas presents and put them in his room (that someone will be needing to put said Christmas toys away in their rightful spots) aaaand catch up on my sweets skills.
Originally, I wanted to make sugar cookies for the holidays, so that my cousin and I could decorate together. That.... turned into a bust when I received the call on Christmas day that I would be left alone until the 30th of December. Now, that plan was changed to tonight, the 29th around midnight. Ten minutes until 10 at night, and I hear the truck doors slam outside. They're home.
Whoever is making these decisions doesn't know how to stick to a plan and, in my opinion, doesn't know how to take things slowly, to enjoy the moments and let other enjoy them. Not that I am upset that they came home early, I was beyond excited to see my cousin again! Getting him in bed, though... a little testy since it was four days since he last had been working towards sleeping by himself.
Before all of this, as in, earlier today, with the house cleaned, minor essentials purchased (milk, soap, ingredients for the planned dessert dishes...), I could begin my work.
The two sweets I had in mind were a peanut butter pie, which has become a somewhat popular dish I've seen in Southern states, and banana coconut nutmeg Popsicles. Recipes and pictures below.
Both, I feel, turned out relatively successful, in that they taste wonderful, and I have figured out ways to change them to make them better to my taste. Plus, now I have some bribing ammunition for my coworkers, and feeding into the obsession with sweets. They'll try something, get hooked, and I'll be their "sweets dealer." My evil plan is about to be set into motion....

So, it was a quiet weekend which I could use for myself, and I was able to accomplish a few things, but I'm glad my family is back, for the time being. In addition to that, I think I have come to the understanding that moving into an apartment in the near future is a strong probability, as long as I have a spare bed and a kitchen.

Until next time,
K.

As for now... Recipes!

Peanut Butter Pie (No Bake)
Crust

• Oreos, 24 cookie sandwiches (I used the peanut butter chocolate filled ones for the dedication to peanut butter)
• 1/4 c. butter, melted
  

Filling
1/2 c. creamy peanut butter
1 pack (8oz) cream cheese, softened
1/2 c. confectioner's sugar
8oz whipping cream (The recipe I used asked for the frozen pre-made whipped topping, like Cool Whip... I didn't have that)
1/4 c. Chocolate Chips
1 pack of Milo Nuggets (no mini chocolate peanut butter cups, but these are big enough to crush, and make pleasant surprises for the eater)

For the crust, crush the cookies together as much as possible, they should pretty much be pulverized. In a bowl, add the melted butter to the cookies, mix briefly, to ensure eved spreading of butter to cookie. In a 9" pie dish or, in my case, a 7.5" tall casserole dish, press the cookie crumbs into it. Start at the bottom and work up. For a smoother shell, I patted the mixture into the sides with the convex size of a wooden spoon, instead of my getting my fingers dirty, and the shell crumbling in my hands. When smooth enough to your liking, you can put the shell in the freezer to cool and harden.

Ingredients, except the Nutella.

In a bowl, mix the peanut butter, sugar, and cream cheese together. (Don't get concerned if it doesn't look smooth, it will.)












After the three ingredients are sufficiently blended with each other, pour your whipping cream into a mixer and beat it until it becomes thick. Take your peanut butter mixture, and add it little by little to the whipped cream, while still blending. Stop the blender or mixer when the mixture has the consistency of cake batter. (Look below, creamy fabulousness!)

Mmm! Crunchy!

Add the chocolate Milo Nuggets and the chocolate chips.

Pour the mixture into the Oreo crust, and set it in the freezer for a few hours. Over night is the best confirmation of firmness. Thaw the pie slightly before cutting it into serving slices.

Off to the freezer I go!

Banana Coconut Popsicles with nutmeg (and a hint of lime!)
4 medium-small bananas
400mL Coconut milk
1 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 c. Mild honey (should not be too floral or fruit)
1/2 kaffir lime (juice)

Serving Size: 7 popsicles
Pretty simple: puree bananas, add coconut milk, blend. Add honey, and then lime. Pour mixture into holders, and set in the freezer overnight.

The end product was pretty tasty. I think, though, this require less banana, because it was just way too thick and yogurt-y for my texture preference. That, and it didn't tast tropical enough. This may have been due to the stage of the bananas, they were not necessarily sweet enough, either. Otherwise, this is totally a great cooling snack, which I think I will practice more with, in discovering a delightfully quenching treat.

27-12-2013 Holiday Spirit: To be right or to be happy?

Hello, all!
So, today is going to be less update and more topic-focused. It is the age-old debate applying to coupleship, as well as the commitment of marriage: which is better? To be right in the relationship OR to be happy?

Many people might think that the answer is simple between the two, but I think the issue is more than skin-deep. Is there really a correct answer, even? At times, I would agree that to be right is better, and at other time, it is more essential to be happy. Then again, do these two aspects intertwine in importance? If I am right about something in a debate, and am agreed with on the topic, would that not make me happy?
I sifted through a few articles which delved into this topic and it brought up another question for me; what is the definition of "being right" and the definition of "being happy" in a relationship?

For the articles I read, this seems to apply mostly to disagreements in the duration of two partners in their togetherness. It is inevitable that couples argue, though the amount of energy of the relationship dedicated to arguing varies, and can be considered healthy or unhealthy depending on the couple. Rabid arguments every day, or even every week for a couple is often considered detrimental, because there is much animosity exchanged between the two people. Animosity and anger over a long period of time deteriorates the affection and love for each other. Two people who no longer love each other, or are willing to work with each other in the partnership should not be together, because they have no need or desire for the other. Some relationships which have a higher volume of arguments, say on a biweekly basis, are due to the personalities of the participants; for example, if you put two very outspoken people together that are headstrong, they will more likely than not, share their opinions, whether they agree or disagree with the other. That can be fine, as long as the two people are willing to hash it out, and accept the other.

There it is. what I was looking for. two people are willing to hash it out, and accept the other". That is a key in a relationship, compromise. While it is gratifying to be right, sometimes, I think is is more important to be happy, and the ability to find a "happy medium," to a feisty debate contributes to the happiness of the couple. The connotation of happy medium itself implies balance, which is how a couple should be, equal, yet different. Yin and Yang.
When that balance is disturbed, it is time to reevaluate the problem and assess it. In the case of being right and being happy, happiness attributes a lot to the balance, not being correct in an argument. What happens when one person is "right" is that the other person is "wrong." Again, the keyword is balance and this battle to establish ones own view and put down the other's disrupts the equality of the members of a couple, because one needs to be above the other in their views. A prolonged inequality between partners takes away the happiness of at least one of the partners; in some cases, one person become insatiable in their demands of the other, which makes the relationship one-sided: individuality and identity of the giver in the partnership diminishes because they are dedicating more of their energy to the other person, and not fulfilling their own desires. Unfulfilled desires of a person become "naggers," to the giver, and further decreases their personal happiness.
While arguments create a rift between two people, it more often than not, is necessary. A couple who never argues also does not accomplish fixing things. This is called avoidance, where the two people are too afraid to speak against one another which might create an argument. When fear to object to the other is involved, that is unhealthy, it creates stress. Stress that is bottled up creates pressure, and can be harmful for one's health.
 I'm going apply the physics of gas properties to create the imagery of unreleased stress. Temperature and pressure are directly proportional:

P ∝ T

Think of a glass bottle, with water, and it is sealed with a cap. Now, take this bottle of water, and put a flame under it, increasing the heat. The liquid water begins to evaporate tiny bubbles forming at the bottom of the bottle, condensation from the steam of the water fogging inside the glass. Increase the heat. These tiny bubbles begin to grow, in size, and start rising to the top of the water. Increase the heat. The slight bubbling has turned into boiling, more gas molecules form. Increase the heat. The gas molecules are moving faster in the bottle. Increase the heat. The pressure inside rises; You can hear the sound of the bubbles popping inside the bottle, the gas molecules bouncing against their barriers. Increase the heat. The pressure inside still rising. Increase the heat.The boiling has now become a rumble, rabidly bubbling. Increase the heat, you see the seal of the bottle being pushed from the inside pressure. You want to let it out, but you can't. Increase the heat. The liquid water level is decreasing, but you know the water volume is still the same. Increase the heat. More pressure. Increase the heat. More pressure. Increase the heat, more pressure. And then. you hear a cracking sound, you watch in fearful awe, as the glass tries to relieve the pressure inside, revealing a long, crack, but this isn't enough. Increase the heat. A high-pitch whistling sound is heard and steam is pushing out of this thin crack. Increase the heat. Not enough room to let pressure out safely. Increase the heat. The whistling sound heightens in pitch. Increase the heat. The glass shatters as the bottle explodes violently. You duck, but not quickly enough, and shards of glass lacerate your arms, and any unprotected part of you. Some pieces have embedded themselves under your skin. You feel them press deeper with momentum, yet are unaware of the damage because of the shock. Now, all you have left is a mess to clean up, and the scars of your actions. Nobody wins.
Healthy couples do argue, but while they argue, the partners are trying to find where they can agree, and what they can do for or give to their partner so that both can be happy. Sometimes, that means one person will agree with their partner they they are more correct, or vice versa, and sometimes they will agree...to disagree, and move on. By moving on, they apologize to each other and consider what they do agree on. Of course, these arguments may last for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days. By the time a few days of passed, many balanced couples have come to one common agreement: they do not like being in discord for an extended period of time.
Couples that are dominated by one person who does not appease their partner on a regular basis to create balance in their commitment to each other, are unhealthy. Joy from the beginning of the relationship is minimal; respect, eroded; love for each other, worn away.

So, every now and then, argue a little bit! Relieve a little stress, you need to. You will feel better. That being said, I do not recommend arguing just for the sake to argue. And after you have released your tension, reexamine what the stress was, and how you can monitor and maintain a safe level. Do not let it build up, please, for your own sake. Find what makes you happy, and establish it. Coupleship involved two people working together and relationships involve compromise, you work together to make each other, and in turn yourself happy. Sometimes you don't need to be right in an argument, sometimes you do. That is okay. Just remember, it is a tit for tat agreement, give what you want to receive; if you want love, give it, if you want affection, give it, if you want understanding, give it. If you only take, without giving, you will never truly be satiated or happy.

Here are the articles I read:
http://healthland.time.com/2013/12/17/extreme-marriage-experiment-suggests-its-better-to-be-right-than-happy/
http://www.relationshipspecialists.com/media/being-right-vs-being-happy/

My opinion? It is not necessarily better for one side or the other, but balancing it.

Until next time,
K

22-12-2013. Holiday preparations...?

Hello again!
So, it's been a bit since I last posts, and that's okay, I've actually been more busy than forgetful, unlike the last few months! Plus, I'm actually working on this whole consistency thing, meaning, instead of giving a repetitive and mostly boring play-by-play of my days(which surprisingly makes it more difficult for me to be motivated to writing), I am giving bulk updates, but aiming for at least twice a week, maybe more.

The way these posts have been reading, as well as having been written, the said author has been up and down in emotions and speeds of life events. As of recent, we (I) are at a happy medium, not too low, and not too overwhelmed. So, slightly overwhelmed, but not heartbreakingly so.

This week, at the hospital, three big events happened that were publicized and for peers and employees. The first, on Thursday, was "Green Day". Sorry, not the band! It was an event to promote environmental awareness and the push towards helping keep the environment clean.
I give credit of these images to my friend, Nai, who took them.





 With that, there was also a market that was very active, where I found a deliciously playful snack!

Pastel pink, green, and purple sticky dough, with a soft peanut filling, rolled in coconut, with a salt-sugar-black sesame seasoning to dust them. They were whimsical, and indulgent. The part I remember most clearly is the confection, which made this otherwise plain snack a delight. It almost was buttery, and I could not get enough of it after the first bite even though I was hesitant at first. It looked like sand someone gathered and decided would be a funny practical joke to give to someone else to eat. Thank goodness it wasn't!

Thursday, I worked with the Director of the hospital, who is very clear on how to speak, and, like me, is very capable to talk about any topic. We really are working on his speech improvement, to enunciate the more difficult sounds of the English language, and to work on preparing speeches. 

After the conversation session, I was invited to a dinner party that celebrated two retiring employees, which was more fun than I expected. It was also much cooler than I expected, where I felt the need for a light jacket.(Good thing I have that creative project in progress!) There was karaoke, gift-giving, speeches, and food. 

I'm not in the picture because I''m one of the petal throwers.

Friday marked the end of the week with another event, which focused on that of the ambulance drivers and transportation. Because of the holidays, the traffic becomes more dangerous, and there is an increase of injuries and deaths due to holiday traffic. I thought it very wise to promote this event, because not only do the drivers for emergency services need to be prepared for the increase in accidents, the community also needs to consider their safety, and how to lower their risk of being one of those in a major vehicle accident.

Friday also marked the last night I would spend sleeping in the same room as my cousin. I had a makeshift bed, consisting of a padded mat, two sleeping bags, a comforter and some sheet, set next to his bed, so that he knew someone else was in the room with him. 

Saturday was the third big event at the hospital, the influenza seminar. As a promotion, flu vaccinations were costing about 190 THB, which is an estimate 6.25 USD. Not bad! My aunt, uncle, and cousin went to Pattaya instead of attending, what I would consider, a very important seminar. Even though I also missed it (it ended early), I still met with friends and had social plans: lunch!

We went to Ban Khai, which is known better for it's farming culture, and it was beautiful! We went to a restaurant that translated into "Grandma's Garden." It was very cozy! Each eating area was a canopied and elevated floor with bamboo mats. I would go so far as to describe them as cabana-esque. Each 'cabana' as a dry bamboo pipe, wit ha stick roped next to it, so that if a server were needed, we could call them. The staff people were friendly and the food was delicious!

Tom Yum

Fried mini-prawn

fish cutlets

Fished cooked in a banana leaf

The eating arrangement!

Creepin'

 After lunch, we all went home and I remembered that today was the first day to get my cousin, Kevin, to sleep in his room by himself. In fact, I read two stories to him: King Donkey Ears and Stone Soup. King Donkey Ears is the story that we read every night. By now, he is narrating half of the story on his own, interacting and (hopefully) learning! As for him falling asleep, I had to reassure him of his safety. He said he was afraid  his toys would get him, and "of the monsters in his mind." As a way to make him feel more comfortable, I told him to think of happy things, and mommy spanking the monsters. He woke me up about four times in the night for soothing comfort, which I willingly and quietly gave to him. Even though he woke me up those four times, he has taken big steps in growing up and independence of his parents' bed. Little steps forward are more memorable and last longer. For this week, I do not expect to sleep much with the evening independency activity going on, so wish me luck!

And as for today (Sunday), it was very quiet. I did a few chores, got some work done, went to lunch and a fair which turned out to be a market (but I spent less than 30 USD on activewear, so I'm not complaining!....much). This week will be very busy with holiday adventures, getting observation and work done, and preparing someone for a standardized test. EEK!

I am looking forward to it all!
\
Until next time,
K.

17-12-2013 Adventures on the Emotional Rollercoaster

Hello, all.

As some of you may know, I am no stranger to traveling, or living in new places. Now that I can say that I have resided in a foreign country, I am now not so much a stranger to the abroad living, and with living abroad comes some side effects that may not be perceived as so pleasant. 

First of all, you are not surrounded by close friends or family Surrounded by or a two, if not four-hour drive away from someone you feel comfortable being yourself with. That is, unless you are studying abroad with fellow students who also speak and understand your native language. This automatically cuts down on your level of comfort, because your ability to communicate with others with ease has been (mostly voluntarily) taken away from you. 85% of the time I enjoy trying to speak with others in my language, while learning theirs, making a bit of language gumbo in the efforts of having a conversation. It's that other fifteen percent, where all I want to do is vent, or cry, or have a quick joke with somebody and not have to explain it because the metaphor or idiom is well-known between us, that is where I falter, my positive energy flickering as the confidence in my support is nigh.

It is not that the support is not there. How should I describe it? Okay, here: Think of a friend you hang out with, say, once to a few times a week. Now, talk to them through emails and text for a while, but do not talk to them in the real world. Do this for a month. Actually, see how long you can do it for. Try it, and you may notice a shift in your relationship, because the psychological chemicals exchanged when you spend time with them aren't there; you aren't hearing their voice, or how their speech pattern flows, the humor in their voice when they tell a joke, the emotions active on their face as they talk about activities in their life and the frustrations ,and joys they encounter. This, and vice versa. Yes, the base communication is there, but what makes you feel comfortable is not. Like the Harlowe's study.

And with this infrequent support, we become more dependent on it, just like brand name merchandise: the less there is of it, and less attainable, the greater the desire for it. 

Also, with the support not as available, this makes room for more self-doubt, in terms of self, abilities, joy, ability to achieve love. 

Here's something to consider: if you feel this way, you need to look inside yourself and ask why and where you feel self doubt. It may be difficult, but if you are able to look at where you are, and the how-to's, you might be able to find a way out of the slump you found yourself in. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but, the first step in making a recovery, and improving oneself is to identify what it is that is causing problems, and then create possible solutions.

For example, I had been doubting my ability in teaching, some of it was doubt supplied to me by others, and those seeds planted and sown, began to grow in my mind, my own self-doubt fueling the growth. I reached a point where I saw that I had to stop thinking this way, because it wasn't doing me any good. FIRST PROBLEM IDENTIFIED. 

Second problem: I had gotten lazy

• I made excuses like, "I don't know where to start," "What do I need to teach?" "How am I going to teach them?" "When do I come in" <-- This alone put the responsibility on someone else, so I realized that I had to make myself responsible, using more sayings like "This is when I am free, choose the time" or "I need to teach..." "It's time to start, and if I do not know where, start at the beginning of it all:the basics."
• Instead of getting creative, and developing and listing ideas, I distracted myself with unproductive activities, like catching up on tv shows... 
• ...and movies

Third problem: I dawdled 

• Look at above listings: reliance on others to set up my appointments rather than being proactive about it
• not self-promoting
• looking at facebook and how well other people were doing.

Fourth problem: I focused on other people than myself

• I wanted to get what they had and grew envious without thinking about how they got there
• Jealousy made me lazier and more negative in my outlook on things
• I tried to make my time for other people in order to please them, but they were not returning the efforts.

Now, as you may see, none of the above actions I had been taken were driving me forward, and it will take me some time to try to change my habits, but (and that's a bit but) I have made the first step in progress by addressing the issue.

Notes on my transition into not only a better mindset, but my taking action of it, will be recorded.

I would like to leave you with a quote that brought me some motivation, and that holding onto the negative and my shortcomings of the todays are of little value; each day brings new adventures and are always a beginning to something, if not another day.

With a new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Until next time,
K.