12.1.2014(2557) Learning as I Go

Hello, journal, and the rest of the audience who reads into what I write,
I have come to the immediate understanding that I can not stick to writing two posts a week, but I also understand that I most definitely need to try.
My last post was about having difficulty thinking, and it was unfortunately true. I think another part to my troubles in productivity involved my lack of enthusiasm for activating my mind and I will have to admit, without college, I sometimes feel completely lost. Graduating is like a breakup from a long relationship. Many people who are newly single after a period of two, maybe five years, of being one half of a couple tend to lose a sense of who they are now. Who they were was "So-and-so's boy/girlfriend|lover|partner|beau|Boo|babe|sweetheart|fiancee|...." Basically they were someone's someone. And now they're not.
I was the student of my school, for four (mostly) unforgettable years. I made triumphs, lost friends, made mistakes, went on adventures, laughed and cried, and bumbled messily through my classes. I envied others, and I learned to accept people for who they were....mostly. Now? Now I am a scared post-grad who feels clueless in what she's doing, stumbling through, making friends, going on adventures, laughing and crying, and making tri--wait! This sounds just like my time in college! Except... except I am in another country, surrounded by different people, and I am having to learn more responsibility. To be honest, this time is not all that different from when I went to university, I just have less people nearby me that are in the same situation. That is what brings me the most fear.
Anyways, now that I have had my slight mope-dump, here is some insight I would like to share: now that I am no longer someone's somebody, this opens opportunity for me to become who I am, and who I would like to be. Sure, I will make mistakes, and this won't be clean-cut, but life isn't meant to be that way. Also, it isn't meant to be easy, or else we wouldn't actually learn, or better yet, make progress.
Here's what I have learned so far from this past week:

• More people are keen to talk to me, and ask for classes
• Not only is there need for assistance in speaking and listening, but also in reading and writing.
• ^^I need to regress to when I learned reading and writing.
• January 20th marks my "Make-or-Break" day.
• If I fail at this, I am not a failure.
• The best friends I have may not always be available, but will be available when I most need them
• Who I know will get me further in this work than everything I do
• ^^^Everything I do can affect how who I know will work with me
• Exercise is my friend, but I need to learn how to schedule it
• Being afraid is normal, and having courage involves me do things I am afraid of doing, there is more reward in the outcome.
• The fear of failing is one of the biggest inhibitors to how I work. key words I need to learn: GET OVER IT
• aaaaaaand lastly: I am here not only to work, but to have a life experience that is meant to be enjoyable, therefore, I need to enjoy it. If I am not, then I need to change my approach.

For those who survived through my few epiphanies about struggling, and sludging about, you rock. In fact, you are part of my inspiration, as my "fan club." Those people are the best! Really, though, they are. These "fan club" people provide you with so much support even when you can not provide it for yourself. They also are really helpful when you are stuck with coming up with ideas. They do this by asking questions, some of which you may have not considered before, and then BOOM, now you can't stop doing what you do. So, thank you!
Pictures for you! Of my temple adventures, and New Year celebration at work. It's awesome.

First, a picture of the sunrise I saw arriving to the temple. Definitely worth waking up at five in the morning for.

People providing offerings to the monks before prayer.

 


A panoramic of the meditation room of the temple I stayed.....

There's a dress code, respect it.

There's even a women's temple for prayer, like for the female monks

In the mountains.....you get to see this.

Also, in Thailand, floating markets are a common tourist commodity. It's free for Thai people and residents who currently hold work permits. This one, was a little bit of a bust, only because I had seen the more interesting attractions before. Still, there were a few neat things!

There was a fun swinging bridge as well!

It was fun. And then the week began, a new department for observation. And celebrations. with pad thai, som tam (aka spicy papaya salad), and nam nueang (a finger food where you take a rice paper, and put ground pork, garlic, mango, pineapple, green banana, cucumber, chili, and a spicy sweet sauce, and wrap it up, and eat it)

As for more fearful things, I will need to something that has given me much stress to contemplate about, but needs to be done: to ask to start teaching a class with students soon: soon, as in in the next two weeks. I think the thing I fear most is failure. Though, with failure comes learning experience, and that I at least tried. And trying is more courageous than the act of not doing because of fear.

I will try to discuss more about my methods, and resource in the next few posts that I want to chug out, for those who are not only interested in what is going on, but want to know how to move forward. 

Until next time,

K.