It's been a long while since I've last even looked at my posts, much less attempted to write a new one. Here it goes.
It's a new year and the start of a new decade and so much has happened to you, to me, to the entire world since 2017. So, where do I begin?
How about 2017, the CliffNotes:
I changed jobs
I changed cites
Donald Trump was sworn into office to play the role of the President of the United States
I visited new countries (South Korea, Laos) and made a visit to the US
...and new cities (Pai, Khao Yai)
made new friends, as well as ended some.
I ate food.
I began a new hobby
My mom came to visit for Christmas and got herself into a motorbike accident
2018
Continued the same job, then moved up to teaching an older group
Visited another country (Cambodia)
Removed the pins and plates from my ankle after the break in 2016
Began thinking about my career path and what I'd like to do with it.
Met people that I still talk to today
Dyed my hair for the first time
Enjoyed the pleasure of being "off-putting"
Met many a Gemini
2019
Continued the same job, now with a better idea, but the same level of stress
Visited countries (Malaysia, Portugal)
Found out the reason I was losing my mind
Visited new places in Thailand (Koh Phayam)
Had a visit from my mom again, and again she got herself in a motorbike accident
Began a diet to start taking better care of myself
Started on a new business venture
Had a major "end of year" boost of confidence
Now that that's been summed up, let's take a peak at 2020
Where will it go? I'm not sure. I'd like to see how my current developments play out. At this exact moment that I write, I don't feel the odd ego boost that I had only a couple weeks ago, and I have a feel it's due to a combination of jet-lag and not being on my normal regimen. I'd say it will take a few weeks for myself to re-balance and get back on the saddle mentally, but for now, it looks like it may be a quiet period.
Again, I've been inactive in making a post, but that doesn't mean I've been doing the same in my life.
So far, I have a couple major updates:
1) I changed jobs in January.
2) with said job-change, I also moved to another city
Now that's out of the way, let's talk about what's been happening since... let's say December.
My old job, teaching adult staff in a hospital English pertaining to the hospital, as well as business and conversational English, it was a great position. I loved spending time working hands-on with my students when I taught, doing roleplay activities, making jokes that they understood, and getting to know about each one on and off the clock. My students seemed to share affection to me as well, giving a respectful bow, also known as a wai (I can explain this later in a post about Thai culture that I've learned). The issue I had, though, was that although the students were excited to call me their teacher, many failed to consistently come into class to learn, and therefore made little or no progress. There were also a few students that obviously showed no motivation to try learning, but it was a very small number. Going back to my students, how did this affect my work? Well, I would report to my higher-ups, about the progress we were making, and if I couldn't show progress, it would make no sense to keep me on the payroll, from a business perspective. I'm not saying that I was only a number to my bosses; in fact, we had strategic meetings to discuss a plan for the next year: what tactics to take, what worked last year, and what didn't, but we both understood that neither of us wanted to waste time or money on something that may be ineffective. That can be the downside of a job where both client and employee are both responsible for the end result.
In addition to the steady decline at my work, I began to feel a bit isolated in the town I lived. Yes, I had friends, but many of them had begun to get involved in more things outside of the friendship, so my friends clusters were dissipating. It was getting to be lonely and I found myself more frequently visiting the city I now reside in, going from one weekend a month, to every weekend.
In November, a shining opportunity happened: a friend of mine decided she wanted to go back to the United States, leaving a job opening at her work. She apparently thought of me first for this position, and sent me to her boss for an interview. A week later, interview in and out, and it felt like a perfect fit. The principal even felt that it was more than fortunate that I had been sent her way on short notice. As soon as I received the offer, I gave in my 30-days notice to my former work, explaining that as much as I loved the job, I wasn't seeing the progress I wanted to make happen, at work or in my personal development, and we split amicably. This also was perfect timing, because it was just around that time that my contract and visa would be renewed, and I saved the effort of going through the hassle of paperwork.
Looking back, do I miss it? Absolutely, but that is just a stage in my life I can reminisce about for now, as I'm working towards the future.
Now, with the new job, I will have to admit, the paperwork process has been a bit tricky, (It's different when you change a job from renewing a visa with the same job) I had to leave the country for a few days to apply for my new Non-Immigrant B visa so that I could apply for a new work permit (which allows me to have a bank account here), and continue living in Thailand. Though it's been a little bit difficult, I successfully cleared these hurdles, and still am working in the Land of Smiles! Four months in and my outlook on how things are going has improved drastically.
No longer am I feeling homesick., and my thirst for new adventures has been re-energized!
So, although it has been a very long time since my last post, I find this a pertinent time to make a post, with all the events that have recently happened.
As much of the worlds had become aware, His Majesty Bhumibol Adulyadej, passed away on the 13th of this month, and it has cast a dark, dark cloud over this wonderful county. you can see masses of people adorned in black, white, or other solemn colors as you walk about the city of Bangkok, or even the local Tesco Lotus.
Now, I'm sure many people are aware of the role the King had in Thailand, but really don't understand the extent of how important he was to the people. Myself being a foreigner, I am not as knowledgeable about the history, but I do know that in the eyes of the people, he was and is the emblem of Thailand. Living here for three years and counting has given me a bit more perspective on the live and respect held for him. And with the respect, when the news made its announcement, I did not feel nothing. In fact, the best way I could describe the feeling would be as if something stole the breath from you.
As for the effects of his passing, the country of Thailand is holding a 30-day mourning period. What this means, as many have read, is that activities in Thailand have quieted down, especially the party scene. Many events that were scheduled to the 13th of November have been either cancelled or postponed. Since I had bought tickets to two separate events, I can feel that effect, but I didn't feel as disappointed as quite a few foreigners coming to Thailand.
In fact, quite a few seem to be quite disgruntled about the situation, claiming it ruined their holiday. Article can be found here:
As much as I understand the disappointment of coming to a country for holiday and plans being cancelled, that kind of response to this situation is utterly disrespectful. Life is not all about parties and getting drunk. That, and there will always be another party.
Besides the hushing of nightlife, and sea of black, there hasn't been too much change in this country. So, for any foreigners planning to visit in the next year, don't be too worried, just be respectful. You may see people wearing black ribbons or armbands as well as their clothing, and it just means they are in mourning, but life will be normal.
With this going on in Thailand, there also have been misfortunes back home. One of my college friends lost her youngest sister just days before the the King of Thailand. Losing one of your family is always hard, and even more difficult if they are younger then you, or your progeny. One quote resonates within my memory:
They say when a parent dies, a child feels his own mortality. But when a child dies, it's immortality that a parent loses.
Yes, I did pull the quote from American Horror Story, but that does not make it any less relevant or powerful. In this case, many of the people in Thailand probably feel their own mortality as the Father of Thailand has passed on, and the mother of my friend losing one of her own,
In other news, of last week, on Tuesday, the 11th, was my first encounter with a dog behind my home. At first, I was terrified because he was blocking my way home, but then I saw that he wasn't walking well, and he did not seem okay, overall. Possible victim of a car accident. I did manage to contact a dog rescue group to come help him and was fortunate to have them come pick him up to get the medical care he needs. I even made public posts to Facebook and Instagram to garner attention and, hopefully, some donations. Oddly enough, out of all my Instagram posts, this one definitely gained the most attention. I am not one familiar with having more than 20 or so likes, but here, I got over 100. Weird things. Maybe I should start posting more pictures of dogs I see everywhere.
For those interested in seeing the post, and possibly giving a donation, here you go!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BLpjSl8BKDX/
In all honesty, many unfortunate things have happened last week, one has to hope that there will be a shift in balance of the world's fortunes.
But for now, I will see what the future has in store.
It's been ages, I get it. I suck at posting. I quite enjoy talking to myself, let's get real about it, since that's what I've mostly been doing anyways.
Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty of updates. I haven't been paying attention, because at this point it's unnecessary.
Since my last post: I traveled a bit, the Kanchanaburi, to Chiang Mai, to Pattaya, and a lot of Bangkok. Reasons? I jumped into the dating pool last year, and at the beginning, pulled on a rope to get out.
About personal life, I share it enough, and I find no reason not to follow routine, but I'll make it short an sweet, because who has time for that? It was a decent thing going on, lasted a total of 6 months, was goo for the first 3 months, but crumbled more with each month following. Compatibility wasn't there, we wanted different things, and neither of us were willing to bend for the other, as much as our words said it. We tried talking it out, multiple times, (every month, in fact), but by the end of the year, there really was nothing left to build up on. I realized how much anger and resentment I was holding on to, which lasted for maybe 2 and a half months. The thought of them gave me anxiety, stress, anger, and talking about them made me flustered and ruffled. Around this moment, I have less of those feelings, and maybe that's a sign of me moving on.
Now, onto other personal stuff! Lately, I've been trying to improve my life, health, emotion, business, and such. I started working out regularly, improving my eating habits, picking up more private work, as well as working in the development of my educational program for where I work, as I've had another renewal of my contract, and it's gone through!.
On the topic of working out, there was one problem looming over my head: my schedule. my normal work day runs 8AM-8PM, including my private work, so imagine how that affectd my capability to work out! Well, lo and behold, a solution: wake up at 5AM, start exercise around 5:30, come back and shower, and peace off to work. Difficult to start? ABSOLUTELY. But it soon became manageable. It became moreso once I started seeing result: less exhaustion throughout the day, better mood, less waking up throughout the night.... the list could go on. Am I going to give it up? Not any time soon. It's still tough, especially if I have a long night, but it's working for me. Plus, I get to eat more fun stuff, and see some nice muscle tone. I don't know about you, but I'm looking towards some legs, stomach, arms, and butt. In the lyrics of that Meghan Trainor song, "I'm all about that bass!"
On the topic of diet, well, I started getting on the breakfast train. Since I was waking up early enough to exercise, that also gave me more time to start preparing my own breakfast. One of the things I was looking at was how to make a good meal that would sustain me until noon, or 4-5PM when I had enough time to eat the next meal. Well, turns out that the answer was chia seed! You know, those tiny things that almost look like poppy seeds? And then you water them, and they expand, and are kind of crunchy and jelly-ish? Yeah, those. Let's just say, they work as well for yoghurt as they do for most other liquids. Chia seeds, probiotic yogurt, flax seed/meal, and the guest fruit whenever I have some fresh fruit (from my private students, they love to feed me ;D ). There's one hearty meal! That, or a using oatmeal instead of yogurt, when I'm feeling for a hot breakfast. Both kept me full for a good amount of the day, and helped with my digestion. (Who can object to having good digestion?) I used to be quite bloated and uncomfortable throughout the day, but now that's settled out. The only thing is that consistency is KEY; if I forget to make this breakfast for two days, maybe even one, it's a noticeable change to how I feel, not to mention my mood. Now, about the yogurt, that's a tricky thing, as a lot of food in thailand has wayyyyyy too much sugar. Thankfully, there is a yogurt product called "Butterfly" Probiotic Yogurt.
And let's say, it's an interesting thing. It's a lot thicker than many drinkable yogurts I've had, and not very sweet. Not only is it not too sweet, there are a few otions (Original, low fat, low fat/lowsugar, Vanilla, Chocolate) for a price of 38THB, which is about $1.05 USD. not entirely a shabby price when we're talking about benefits! Whenever I see it in stock at one of the markets (FamilyMart, one of the only locations in Rayong, if I don't want to travel to Bangkok just for my specialty shopping).
On to the next topic: work. That's had its high and lows. but you've just got to roll with the punches. New concept: trial groups, each group has a set of students that must be... consistent, so that success can be measured. More materials will be made for students, workbooks, mini pocketbooks. The downside is that they would only get about 13 hours of lessons, not my personal preference, but again, work with what you get. We'll see how it works!
And... on to my last topic, I finally got a motorbike, (well, it's a loaner for now), and it's been interesting. After more than 2 years of living in a place that has poor public transportation, I fiiiiinally got this bike. Should I mention that it's a manual gear shift contraption? Yeah, and I've been learning how to drive it. It's an interesting thing, because the first step is trying to get over my fear of being on a motorbike (well, driving one, a scarring memory of when I was 8 and learning how to drive a minibike), and that of the drivers in Thailand. They are super crazy... no consideration of ow driving works, or traffic laws. So far, so good.. and safe-ish. For now. The snazzy thing? I have a helmet to match with the color of the bike. Not too shabby. can't say I don't know how to accessorize. This isn't the firt time, as I have a pair of shoes that match my phone.... unintentional, of course, as was the helmet, bike combo.
As for the social life, I had been going to Bangkok more frequently, met a bunch of new friends, been spending more time with older ones, and really getting more into my old groove of being a social butterfly. I haven't realized how much I've missed it until lately, when I've met a lot of amazing people. And my schedule has turned from a clean slate to a little open space. Cool stuff. Of course, it does take a little bit of a toll on my bank account, so I need to get back onto the budgeteering. Good thing for private classes, and putting a nicer price on my work.
Now, back to the thing I call life. It's Friday, and I've got nothing planned, for once... except relaxation, learning how to drive, preaparing for my first test group, which starts on Monday!
I think, soon, I will start posting progress about my exercise and health progress, in addition to work. Who needs to know about my social life? It's already awesome.
To those who have been trying to check for updates, thank you and many apologies for a long hiatus.
It's been about six months, which means it's been quite a while since my last post, and many things have changed.
Also, I've made a bit of a bad habit of writing drafts, but not successfully posting them. Let's just say, I haven't been making complete thoughts, or following through.
The basic updates since my last post:
I witnessed two weddings, both small and quiet enough. Both of couples who had been together for at least five years.
I chopped off a good amount of hair to donate to Locks of Love, for the second time in my life.
I went to Europe
The one-week detour taken through Europe was fantastic. Most of the trip was quite amazing, to be honest. Unfortunately, I have not so many pictures from the trip because I misplaced my phone one magical night in Cologne, Germany. If I were asked if I would make a return trip, I would say; 'HELL YES" as calmly as my body could contain it.
These were the cities I visited, chronologically:
1) Berlin, Germany 3 nights
2) Cologne, Germany 1 night
3) Paris, France, 3 nights
4) Amsterdam, Netherlands 1 night
In each city.... except Paris, I would say I had an adventure. Adding on to the thrill was managing to stay warm, because in Thailand, there is no need for cold-weather clothes, so I wasn't going to bring many winter clothes for one week.
Nonetheless, I traveled by myself and managed to survive. For someone who still doesn't know how taxes work, and has quite a lot of dependence on her mother for adulthood questions, it was a major feat.... a milestone, one would say.
Many of the activities I did were last minute. Things like... Finding some historic museums, going to an underground funk-hiphop show after trying to fix my lights, getting lost in a city to find my way back, celebrating "Man's Day" with complete strangers. Finding transportation to different cities and booking a room the day before I would arrive. I was living on the edge, maybe.
I even had a chance encounter that made me think of a certain shirt saying.:
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Why did I think this? Easy, I was at a café in Amsterdam, eating an apple pancake, when I saw a beautiful young man walk by the window. I watched him curiously. five minutes later, he returned to the café and came inside to eat.
After I finished my breakfast, I left, and started walked across a bridge. On the other side of the bridge, this same boy(pardon me, I'm so used to saying boy, because I'm not used to saying man, unless they look much older than me) was on the other side, walking towards the bridge. We made eye contact, but it wasn't only that. We made solid eye contact that made it obvious that we were looking at each other, turning heads, uncertain of who would make the first move to talk to the other. Sadly, we passed by each other and went our opposite directions. I couldn't help but be reminded of a poem which I heard, but long ago forgotten the title, about how a man was in love with a girl, but he never once spoke to her, for the fear of ruining is idea of her. Then again, it posed the question of: "What if one of us had spoken to the other? Would our perception change, or would we be just as enamored?" Many what ifs were thought, but if one believes in the way the world is and acts, chance encounters will always happen, and if this one random stranger and I were to meet again, it will happen.
Ah, I encountered quite a few people, and what a mix it was: pleasant, wild people, pesky hoverers, and the infamous multi-faceted ones who give one impression of themselves, and turn into something else completely unexpected. That's the way the world can be and as an acting piece in it, one must handle it and move on.
Now, back in Thailand, and after being back at work for a few months already, I've been getting into the grind of things. I moved into a slightly larger home that offered more comforts, figured out a transportation method to and from work, and picked up a few extra side jobs to make the extra income. In addition to that, I've been making more travel plans and developing more of a social life outside of my work friends or, rather, outside the bubble of a town I've been living in.
In doing that, it did open my perspective of how I had been living my life here so far: I had been limiting myself in making friends and enjoying myself because I didn't think I could survive outside of this comfort zone. I made excuses to why I couldn't go out... because of lack of transportation, but I also couldn't leave town because of the appointments I had every weekend, I was depending on them, even though quite a few were less than dependable, canceling last minute, more often than not.
And they payment wasn't so regular. So, lesson learned: payment must be received at the end of every appointment, or paid in advance so that any time wasted wouldn't be a monetary loss.
Of course, someone told me that contracts like that scare Thai people, and frankly, those are the people you don't want to do business with. Wa-HOO.
Not that it is already past the half-year mark, another things must be taken in to consider: the looming of the decision to be made of renewing my contract or not. On one hand, I could stay, and maybe my contract will be renewed. On the other, it may not.
This is one big decision I have yet to concrete. The decision to move. Lately, this thing has been growing heavier and heavier on my plate of things to do because the pros and cons must be weighed out. The problem I have? I'm not finding so many cons, besides leaving the people I know here, and maybe not finding a job. That being said, job opportunities happen to be quite plentiful in general for foreigners, so is that really a problem? It seems that I have more motivation to move, but the weight of guilt to stay and I think that, if my only reason of staying in the town is because I would feel guilty if I left, I probably shouldn't be staying anyways.
Ah, the decisions of being an adult abroad. Thanks for reading.
Hello, all,
Whoa! It's officially not February (and hasn't been for a good 10 or 11 days, depending on where you are located).
Let's get to it: the last weekend of January, even if things didn't go exactly as planned (when would they anyways?) This is a much delayed post. Oh, well
At first, I was a little worried that things were going to run downhill, the way the pre-travel adventures went. Thankfully, time was not so much of the essence as it was relative.
In a gist, and it did indeed occur in threes:
In addition to my 10:30AM appointment being 30 minutes early, my 15-minute drive back from the appointment took triple the time due to the most granny-esque driver I've dealt with. (this counts as one because it was the same person) quite funny, actually.
I just barely missed a songtauw(truck version of a bus) after rushing in and out of my apartment to catch it.
I almost was unable to buy my fun juice for the weekend.
Now, all that being said, the windows happened to crack open for each door closed:
I arrived to my apartment in a safe manner
a second song taew came up about 2 minutes after the first one drove off
I managed to explain how there must've been too much confusion, thus getting the merchandised purchased.
Plus, my friend and I arrived just in time for the last group of Paddleboarding. I must say, paddleboarding is one tricky thing. There were many aspects to consider with this activity. For one, you have to be able to balanced on an unstable surface, in addition to the instability, there is the added challenge of the constant in-out flow of the ocean. There was lots of slipping and falling, but in the end, everyone was able to stand on the board at least once. Of course, what's the fun of trying to paddleboard sans the wipouts? Those were the best. Everyone had their own style of wipeout, too.
Let's just say, some of us have stories to bring back with us from that weekend. The school we used also provides surfing lessons, and gave us our troupe a heads up about the typical surf-year. The main point was: if we want to experience good surf weather, come out just before monsoon season, when the ocean is active.
I'm going to guess that some of us will be out and about trying to catch some "gnarly" waves!
A for the rest of the evening, calmed down pretty quickly, with music and food. And a "surprise" pouring rain for thirty minutes or so.
The next day, most people had already dispersed, but our crew met some more people, making friends and eating lunch together at an Indian restaurant, (YUM).
Interesting, or not, it was a great weekend, where I learned more about the friends I've been making.
NOTE TO READER: Just a story from a dream. Though it could be relatable to anybody.
“I would love to have dinner with you tonight.”
This was the response I received after suggesting going to
dinner with him after two weeks of not seeing each other. Part of me was
excited, but another part of me was worried. How do I look? Have I changed
much in the last two weeks? I know I’ve
been really stressed, searching for a new apartment, preparing for my upcoming
trip home next month… dear god, my skin is freaking out!
But, I must push these concerns to the back of my mind
because this isn’t about me and how I look, but about dinner, and catching up.
He said he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. When we first met, he
spoke softly and sweetly, and we had chemistry. He was gorgeous and a little
bit weird. I thought it was cute at the time, and he got me excited. It was two
weeks of attraction before he flew to his home country for a two week holiday.
We agreed to have dinner, and I would go home because I had
to get ready for work the next day, and I had other plans. I told him that I
would finish and go home at 10 o’clock.
We meet at lobby of his hotel, to walk to a restaurant outside to
eat. We have a casual conversation about, well, nothing. All the normal: How was
your flight? How was your visit home? I’m doing okay, just busy.
"Yes, so we’ll go and eat dinner, and have some drinks, and
go back to my place and have sex."
Wait, what?
I look over at him to see if I really heard what I thought. He
laughs, so I did, but I’m not sure if he’s joking. I give a playful response,
because I’m not sure how to react.
“That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think?” He smiles.
He asks me about my day, and I say “Well, I worked since 8
today, so I’m a bit tired, but I had a good day. I’ve been looking for a new
place to move into after I come back. I’ve also been preparing for my trip back
to the country.”
He responds, commenting on my schedule, that I’m busy, maybe
a bit too busy. He says that he wishes I wasn’t so busy so that we could see
each other more often, more spur of the moment and by appointment. I tell him
that spur-of-the-moment meetings don’t come with ease.
Then he murmurs to himself “you have too many rules.” I’m
not sure if he meant for me to hear or not, but the concerns I had from before
started to float to the front of my mind.
“Hey, don’t worry, I just miss you and I want you to have a
good time. I just feel like you may not because you don’t seem very relaxed.”
“Oh, I’m always like this, but I just have a lot to think
about”
He shrugs and nods as we continue to walk.
We reach the restaurant and are seated. He tells me what he
wants and insists that we get 2 plates of chicken wings, one for me, one for
him, although I tell him that I don’t need a large amount of food if I can’t
eat it all. I order what he wants, soup to share (making sure it is not spicy
since he doesn’t eat spicy food), and some stir fry vegetables, since I can
speak enough of the language here to get what I want. He orders two Heinekens.
We clink our glass mugs, and after we sip, he speaks.
“That’s the first time you’ve made eye contact with me today”
Again, I am confused, having looked at him, and conversed,
and apparently I hadn’t made eye contact with him? What is he talking about?
As if he read my mind, he responds “I like looking at your
eyes.” Well, I suppose that is a sweet gesture. I’m starting to get a weird
feeling, though, as if a stone were in my stomach.
The chicken wings arrive and, by his recommendation, I try
one. The soup I ordered to share comes, but he says he doesn’t want it. Well,
then, I want chilies, and you can have the chicken, this is a lot of soup.
I ask for some, and we chat.
His friend calls, and he asks if he can join us. “Of course!
That’s not a problem” five minutes later his friend, and the vegetables arrive,
and we are all chatting. The weight in my stomach eases up a bit as I spoon in
my (now) spicy and sour soup. We talk about food, driving, work, the people
here, and other monotonous yet information aspects of where we are. My dates
tries to show me off, talking about how I can read and speak the local language
here, and occasionally the two speak in their native tongue while I sit and
watch. Occasionally, I would look over at him while his friend is talking, and he
would wink at me. That could just be a weird eye twitch, though. Still, that
stone in my stomach has come back.
I start to feel tired, and I know that my friends are
waiting for me. I check my phone, it’s 9:30PM.
My dinner date asks me what time it is. “9:30, we should get going soon.”
He frowns “Really? Can’t you stay maybe an hour more?”
I return the frown, because didn’t we agree that I would go
at 10? So I repeat what I had said before, but his expression doesn’t change.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I want to go at 10”
“Ok.”
His friend calmly sits, and says “I’m ready to go home.” At
that, we get the bill, and they get a driver to take me home, us sharing the
SUV. We pass by his hotel as the driver takes me home, my dinner date and I
sharing the back seat.
He looks at me deeply
and asks me “Are you sure you want to go home now?” I nod. He takes my hand,
caressing it, and then leans in to whisper something in my ear.
“You destroyed my
evening.”
That was when I felt the stone, no longer a slight pressure,
but a heavy pull, as it doubled my weight.
I can’t do this. The concerns I had weren’t about me, but
about us, and why it wouldn’t work. The weight of the stone was growing each time
some fault of mine was brought up. Even as he tried to reason to make what he
said better, I knew that everything else was going to be about what I did wrong
to him.
“I had a surprise for you.” It doesn’t matter, we agreed
on a time that I would go, and you made your expectations without my acknowledgement.
“I wanted to just spend time being with you” You have
been spending time.
“I never get to see you” I have a work schedule that
often goes into the late evening, I told you.
“It’s not about sex” No, it’s not. It’s about control.
Hello all,
So, I know that you're reading this bit, and I bet you're thinking that I'm going to rag on other people and why they all suck and blah, blah, blah... Or maybe I'm going to start blaming the Internet and other technological apparatuses for the "lack of connection."
Eh, I might do a little bit of ragging, and a little bit of blaming, but really? I don't attribute these as my sole reasons to why I'm not making reservations for a party of two.
First, let me get the "ragging" out of the way. Sure, technology has made it easier to contact other, yet the contact is quite disconnected in communicating with someone in a way that makes it easier to see people not as people. Sure, many of us are desensitized to the dangers of the public nature of the internet, and how that can break someone's reputation, in the hands of the wrong person. Of course, people nowadays are really into the "hookup generation," where commitment is relative, and nobody wants to label anything for the fear that they might actually have a relationship going on, and think they will have a nuclear-explosion of an ending.
But that's not why I'm not in a relationship of that sort.
I suppose that one of the reasons, when I think about it, is that yes, I'm emotionally unavailable, by what the internet claims. Really (<--CLICK HERE!)
The way I see it isn't that I'm emotionally unavailable, but more preoccupied with other things in my life.
Funny enough, these are the top five questions you get in Thailand:
1)Where are you from? ("Where you from?")
2) How long have you been in Thailand? ("How long you stay in Thailand?")
3) Do you have a boyfriend? ("You have boyfriend?")
4) Why did you come to Thailand? ("Why you come Thailand?")
5) Can you eat spicy food?/ Do you like Thai food?
Top five, no joke. If you are a foreign girl visiting Thailand, I guarantee that you will be asked this question, and every time I get asked, I cringe inside, because I don't know how to explain the reason in a way that they understand. This is my typical response.
Thai Woman: "You have boyfriend?" Me: "No" Thai Woman: "Why?" Me: "I don't have time"
This usually works, but the thing that makes me cringe is the question "why." I think a lot of people can agree to that feeling, because of the subtext of the ominous question. Anytime someone asks why, really. It's the subtle way of judgement, like "What's wrong with you?/ What's your defect?/ How can you stand being single?/etc."
It's really not about what's the matter with me, or what's wrong with guys, but about what things we are looking for in life right now, and where our focuses lie. Often, my priorities are nowhere near that of another person's, which leads to incompatibility.
Now, to the meat and potatoes. Aka "Why I'm Single"
1) My priorities: I know I have mentioned it before, but it is true. my priorities typically run like this
My health
My sanity
My work
My family
My living space
My social life
The majority of these priorities are about me. It's not being self-centered. It's because I'm taking care of one person, me, so I must address my needs first.
2) My schedule: My schedule, as many people in my life know, is busy. I normally work 6 days a week, having private appointments, making time to exercise. It's a miracle when I can fit in 3 meals in my day.
3) My tolerance: When it comes to family, I try to be tolerant. When it comes to friends, I'm a bit less tolerant in who I spend my time with. When it comes to a significant other, I'm even less tolerant. It sounds weird, but I have the luxury to choose my friends, and the person I date (with the exception that they choose me in return). I want to make sure I can handle being around them for long periods of time. This has a strong dependency on:
their respect of me
their respect of my time
their respect of themselves
It, you see, has a strong dependency on how they treat themselves and others
4) My apathy: towards relationships. I just have no real emotion about moving into them.
So, in general, yes, I am the key to whether I get into a relationship with someone or not, but I put my reasoning, not into that I'm against guys, and they suck. (they really don't) but the combination of what's going on in my life, and how that is taken by others. Reason four isn't really much of a reason, it's more like a filler. In all honesty, if I feel that I could be in a relationship with someone, and they seem to reciprocate, I do make the effort to make the time (they just have to make the effort to understand and respect).
Hello all,
As many of the people who have read this know, I've been in Thailand for well over a year (more like a year and a half!) and I have been enjoying it, with the occasional speed bump or two.
I've learned that time is not the major concern of many of the people here, where being a little bit late to things is not the end of the world. I've learned that communication can be extremely difficult, but if you slow it down, take it calmly, and use your whole body as an instrument, it makes it easier. I've also learned that this isn't always true, because one party of the conversation is non-receptive to the signals you send.
I've learned that once you get over the hump of "this is really difficult" and keep trying to learn, it will happen; it's like a dam, you keep adding on the pressure, and the effort, building more and more, and that wall eventually has to let something through.
I've learned that, although many of the staff I have taught are scared of speaking this foreign language, they can warm up, and show their efforts through another medium.
I also learned to promote and encourage students to come speak to me, even if I'm working (and I don't want to be interrupted) because it helps them to try more frequently.
Most importantly, I've learned that progress happens; sometimes it's almost instantaneous, sometimes it's as slow as plate tectonics, but it is, and you are getting somewhere. Don't lose hope.
About the other things: I remember one person telling me that I would miss home and my country. I also remember me responding with "Yeah, but I've been away from 'home' since I was 18, because I went too school." Her response: "And that was only a few hours away from home, Thailand isn't."
I look back on that and here I am, thinking "Yeah, I haven't gotten that huge wave of nostalgia yet, just the bits and pieces."
Now, thought, as the time to return to my home country creeps closer, the homesick feelings are also magnifying. Maybe it is the fact that the access I was used to is going to come back to me, the friends I haven't seen face-to-face are going to be in slapping distance. Well, I'm not suggesting that I really might hit them, eh, maybe I am. It's all out of love and my "oddities."
If you didn't pick up on it, I'm the old guy.
In Thailand, I haven't traveled as much as I'd like, but I haven't not traveled as much as I haven't liked, either. Luckily, with the friends I recently made, traveling becomes more of a probability than a hopeful possibility.
Isn't that a funny thing, though? For me, I have been making excuses to travel by myself, mostly because I work. I find that I travel more frequently (locally) by myself when I don't have someone else relying on me. When I have friends involved, I more frequently travel long-distances.
Before I get too far off track in my thoughts, I shall stop here for now.
Hello there,
If this is your first visit, welcome! Wilkommen! ยินดีต้อนรับ! ("Yin-Dee-Dohn-rahb. If this isn't, well, hello again.)
Being away from something, it seems, can be both a relief and a reason to feel guilty. It's a relief because it lightens the (self-created) load, but it brings on the guilt because there is that nagging thought in your mind: "You should've been able to keep up, why didn't you?"
Again, I've been away from this, not sharing all of the adventures I've had, but at the same time, I've been trying to make adventures happen. So far, I have had a few, and I have made an agenda to have even more. This year, I will do way too much in too little time, wearing a smile-grimace, haHA! It's one thing to talk about the goals I have and the things I want to do, but it's a totally different ballpark when I actually make the motions towards doing those things. It may be a hit, it may be a miss, but at least it's something and I can say I did it without a tinge of remorse for lying. (Not that I would lie about the place I have or have not been to before...)
As a way to try to improve myself, I decided to take action on a few things.
I signed up for an online course in Financial Literacy
I started a 30-Day Yoga Challenge
I have set plans for at least one exciting/big event for each month until June
I picked up a class to start learning German (Yes, I'm still trying to learn Swedish and Russian, but I'm taking a few steps back from them in order to try focusing on only one language at a time)
Looking at this, I am starting to recognize the Mind-Body-Spirit connection in which I had been slacking on. I was consuming myself with work, and losing the joy and motivation in doing it, as well as feeling a little out of place, falling into more and more slumps. There was always an excuse to not go out, and by the time going out actually happened (which took an immense amount time's notice to plan said outing), it would be a major disappointment. The joy of going out became null, the joy of working was wearing down, and I was losing overall energy to do anything. Obviously, this was doing no good for anyone: me, my work, or my friends. I knew this wasn't depression, but I was letting my environment affect me negatively, and that was something I could control. The choice was mine to whether I would keep letting it do that to me, or not.
Now, looking back on the past few months. If one were to ask me about how I celebrated the holidays, they would need to remember that 1) I wasn't in the US and 2) many of the people are Buddhist. You would be surprised to how many people asked me if people in Thailand celebrated Thanksgiving (*cough* AMERICAN HOLIDAY). Honestly, that's like asking someone from the United States celebrated Songkran (the Thai New Year) or the French Independence Day. Most people in Thailand don't even know what Thanksgiving is. Well, actually, a few do, and what they know is that a lot of food is eaten.... because that's what a lot of their teachers inform them (many teachers are not from the US, and they teach what they know about the US culture, which is really funny, and somewhat true).
So, back to the topic of celebrating the holidays, I didn't really celebrate them in any big way because there aren't many people to celebrate them with, that understand the importance of the holiday, per se. That is, until recently. I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I did celebrate Christmas and the New Year in a quiet manner. About two months ago, I met some long-term foreigners, and although as a traveler, we must expand our horizons, we do take comfort in some of the familiarity, particularly then someone speaks your language, or the shared feeling of humorous discomfort when you are lost and have no idea how to explain yourself, or what you want, through the exchange of personal anecdotes. "hashtag" #beentheredonethat.
It's funny how foreigners often flock together, but at the same time, it makes sense to be attracted to something that brings you comfort. For example, I have a tendency to eat chocolate. Not every day, but it does occur every month. I'm sure that, when I'm back in the United States, I will be drawn into any place that sells pizza or pasta. It doesn't help that I haven't had a good serving of either of these dishes for quite some time. Just a few of the minor things I miss.
Speaking of things I miss, Tex-Mex is totally one of those, but I encountered some on one of my trips. On seeing this, I couldn't help myself but say: "WE ARE GOING THERE." It may have been a little dramatic, but a girl's gotta get what a girl's gotta get: her tacos and burritos!
On our way!
Now, let's talk about the travels of late. I finally experienced Chiang Mai, and it did not disappoint. Based on all the talk of "cold weather" by the Thai people, I expected it to be in the 60s (Fahrenheit). It wasn't. It was more like the high 70's-85 degree weather. The trip itself was exhilarating and busy! I attended my first Thai wedding, the after party, a temple in the mountains, ate lunch at a reservoir (that involved eating live shrimp), got a great city view while eating dinner with friends, and visited the infamous Sunday night Walking street (a long road that becomes crowded with many markets and people every Sunday). Pictures should say a thousand words, so let's see how many words and describe these:
View from the Temple
Butterfly Pea Sweet Milk
I should mention that coffee in this area (Chiang Mai) reminded me much of home, in the presentation and the concept of getting fancy. Espresso art unforgotten.
Historical Wall around the city
We visited a gorgeous hotel, Dhara Dhevi, which my friend used to work at and it was a trip on its own. This included gorging on desserts from a pastry shop, which appeared to be run by a French pastry chef.
Pastries
TukTuk
Rainbows
Now that the New year has passed, I shall update everyone of the fate of my future here in Thailand. As of December of 2014, I have been informed that my contract at my current workplace has been extended. This means that I will remain in Thailand for another year (until February 2016). I am more than excited to continue my journey here; I look forward to the next few years learning, and finding new adventures abroad and new friends all over the world.
Hello, all,
As often as I have mentioned, I apologize for my frequent absences. Lately, I have become more of a recluse and I'm coming to the realization of this. It's not really something I want to admit as a problem, I've been avoiding doing so, but it is something that is hindering me in productivity and progression.
I think this is actually a problem many people have; many fearful people have it, and people who are really successful happen to overcome this difficulty. What difficulty am I talking about? Putting yourself out there, on the line, in the danger zone in order to try to accomplish something in which there is a good chance you might fail. That is probably one of the most frightening thoughts for me to have, not dying, not public speaking, but taking a huge jump. At the same time, I know that, if I do it, I may just experience the exhilaration that those risk-takers get. It is a scary and exciting thing. The problem, often, though, to why a lot of people are not taking as many risks; i.e. taking the 'safe route' by studying a profession in which there is "job security," is because the generations before us tell us that we need to get a job and be able to support ourselves and our potential families. That's a really stressful goal that that generation has imposed on ours. Of course, the key reason for that is because of how they were raised and how they survived, it wasn't necessarily by being creative (although there were many stand-out people who were), but by taking a profession that guaranteed a long-term income....mostly. The other thing is, because of all of the economic boom in that generation, the job market was quite optimal, so it was much easier to get a job. In the present, the job market isn't at it's best; there aren't a lot of fantastic jobs for just-out-of-college graduates, and the process to get a job tends to be extremely stressful, with questions like "How does my resumé look? Do I have enough references? What about my education history? Was I involved in enough clubs? Do I have enough internship experience? What about community service?" All of this is in addition to the quality of our transcripts. It's unbelievably stressful as each person approaches the job market. Even to get into a university, it is a minor anxiety attack with each college application.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone has had this experience, and even my own mother is extremely supportive of any idea I have, and is a great guide in telling me which ideas are a bit too doughy and need more time to rise. That being said, there are many pessimistic people that have inserted their "what if's" of negativity and failure, and that with each failure, you are less. This, again, is EXTREMELY daunting.
Now, let's look at educators. Take, for example, this. Education is becoming more and more standardized, which it really shouldn't be. I don't blame the teachers in any way. In fact, I have become much more concerned with the education system, and how statistics and data is gaining more control on how our upcoming generations are being educated. That is a problem, a HUGE problem. The more people rely on numbers as a value of "intellect," the more they are limiting the quality of the education the students receive. When people become so dependent on what percent their child gets, it corrupts their education, because now all the educators become dependent on having a good percentage, giving unnecessary "good" scores. Even in the United States, this is becoming a problem, where our education is becoming standardized, and the education provided by our instructors is being limited to the "necessities to pass the standardized exams." Every time I think about standardizing education, I think of this:
Everyone will be the same, and to have only the same is boring.
In fact, after seeing a list of grades that students received on an exam in their class, (In Thailand), all I could say was, "Wow, that's impossible." If you ask me why, it is because, if, out of thirty students, the lowest score was an 87%, you have to question the validity of the exam.
That being said, I actually don't believe in giving a quantitative value until the age of ten or eleven, for competition. As a child is growing up, they are in the process of developing their personality, and the basic skills, to which should be "pass/fail" or "goal achieved/ goal needs work," because to give a percent of how well a child did when they are young, say five or six years old, initiates unnecessary competition and stress in a child because they want to please their parents.
At the same time, it is not only the teacher's responsibility to educate their child, but the parent's as well to motivate and encourage learning (not enforce it). In Thailand, I see a lot of parents that enforce extra education, but I have witnessed parents who encourage it as well;I often see these children doing much better, and not being as shy to try harder than the children whose parents send them to private tutoring but do not add much positive reinforcement. It is a little bit disappointing.
For the idealists, they have many ideas, but, like many of mine, they tend to be incomplete before they move onto a new idea. This is okay if one is by themselves thinking, although it often acts as a hindrance but, if a group of people is involved, whoever is the leader cannot completely change an idea in motion without discussing it with the rest of the group; that is, unless the group is a flock of sheep. It can be completely frustrating, but it is a learning experience. I may become a more decisive and proactive leader, after having experienced a messy collaboration like this.
Beyond that, I do have some hope for the future, but what I must do is re-immerse myself into society, and learn to focus on one project at a time, and take a few risks in order to make progress. Either way, taking a risk has positive benefits: if I succeed, it is a big pay-off. If I fail, it is a lesson learned of what not to do for next time.
But I'll never know unless I try. And to go about life passively is an unattractive characteristic.
If you have been keeping up with my (lackadaisical, to say the least) posting, you will have already noticed that I have finally made an update.
Now, I would like to show a picture, or two, of my most recent adventures.
About a month ago, I visited Bangkok to see my BALLER of a mother, as she dropped by the country on her way to Vietnam for a conference with HVO. (And there is quite the a nifty anecdote that I can share, you know. Anyways, I went to Bangkok with one of my closest friends, of whom made friends with me and has made my stay in Thailand much smoother than it would have been without her. There are not enough words I can say to show my appreciation for her!
It is safe to say that the trip, although too short, was a much needed break and a fun adventure.
Now, back to the scene of work. I should mention, that since I work with adults who happen to be shy and, while they wish to learn, they don't wish to speak because they know "a little bit." It is one of the most frustrating things, as someone who wants to make progress: the lack of confidence. Confidence is such a key in something like this, especially, because the only way to really improve is to practice. The concept of "I can't do this perfectly, so I'm not even going to try," is a major point to failure. Think about it, if everyone followed this idea, we would have no athletes, no Nobel-prize awarded scientists, no progression whatsoever.
Hey, look, my workplace has had it's 11th anniversary!
I think it's a cute picture, especially with the flag. CUPCAKE!
In lieu of future plans, I am unsure of what they will be or where I will go, but this is the time that I really need to start my strategic planning. Some of it might include coming back to the US to do extra learning and practice. Some of it might include traveling around some more before I return to the States, but I'm not sure yet, we'll see. I need to be skill-building.
As for children and teaching them. Let me tell you, while they are the most receptive to learning new things, they are also your harshest critics, which make them the best at improving you. When they are bored, they will tell you or act out. When they are excited, they will show it. When they like something, they ask for more; when they don't, they do something else.
They also have their own hierarchy: the ones who understand what they learn show it, and happen to take over lessons, taking away from the slower learners.
That being said, everyday is different, as long as you make it different. Some days are terrible, and you may wonder why you are somewhere, while other days remind you that you love what you're doing now with simple moments.
The project I have been working on are doing okay, though, I must say, I have been reminded, more than once, of why I do not enjoy group projects, dues to the fact that I end up receiving the load of the work, and have the group take the credit, because, you know, that's how group projects work. I don't mind doing the work, as long as I'm informed that I'm in control, so that, if I'm doing all the work, I also have all the control. While I don't mind suggestions, in group work, suggestions must be backed up with the basis that the person will come through, if they want the suggestion to be tried. Otherwise, the group member (who is not able to back up their thoughts) has no power of influence. The problem is, many people are asking for different things but are not doing much in giving back. That must be the Thai way. In addition, I must mention that I'm becoming quite frustrated with one of the staff. Although they have quite good intentions, their unplanned style of taking students out of a class is a nag. They would do this, unannounced (before class), while in the middle of a session, then return them to the class by the time that the class is being quizzed. That is not okay. Also, when there is a new student who has just came in, and it is only fifteen minutes after meeting them, it is not a great idea to see if they are good. Fifteen minutes is not enough to tell someone's complete skill. In addition to that, it is not optimal to pull out the teacher in the middle of a class to interview a student. The key problem I have is that a lot of decisions are being made that involve me, but without informing me or asking for my opinion. The only times these decisions should really be made are in the hiring process of in letting someone go. When a person is a contributor, they must be permitted the same amount of input as the rest of the group.
That's my rant for the time being.
Traveling has become an option, and I feel the desire to do more traveling, to continue seeing the world around because, as of right now, I have been feeling a bit stagnant. Stagnancy leads to restlessness and decrease in self-worth, neither of which progress to better things if not acted upon soon. What happens to an animal if they stay in the cage for too long?
Also, I would love to update on my language learning, My Spanish is pretty horrible at this time, but it's re-improving. I will have to keep practicing that everyday. My Russian is pretty awful, as well, but, at least I know that this is my first time learning it, so I know it's going to be difficult, and Russian, itself, is a very difficult language. *PHEW!*
Apologies for the all-over the place soliloquy, things have been feeling a little all-over the place, not to mention the construction happening in my complex at 7 A.M. I'm pretty sure we have a rule against that for residential areas. That being said, it is a good alarm clock and a great way to get me out of the building.
For final updates, I finally went out with my girls last week to a concert of Joey Boy, a Thai celebrity, and the them of the party was "Mad Hatter" so people wore all kinds of hats. I was unaware of this until we got to the venue, so I made my own hat.
It worked out quite well. We danced, we joked, we played with lights; it was a blast.
As you can tell, We're very photogenic
These ladies are crazier than I am, and I'm more than glad that I have had the fortune of meeting them. Unfortunately, they also have threatened to kidnap me if I decide to go off to another country. I tell you, they are crazy. It's fantastic.
Well,
It has been quite a while, hasn't it? I must apologize, my state of absence could be excusable, but let's just say it is only partially excusable.
The key topic of today focuses around relationships.
Right now, I must admit that I am absolutely grateful for the people I have in my life now, whether they are ten minutes away or halfway around the world. I am grateful for my friends, my family, the people who have shaped me to be who I am, and the people who will help me along the way in the adventure we know as life.
Let's go with some updates. It is September, over a week after my sister's birthday, almost two weeks since I last saw my mom, and over a year since I landed on the soil of Thailand. Woah. It has already been a year?!
One (not so kind and revered) person once said, "The people who say that time flies don't do anything. I've done a lot, and time takes forever."
I honestly couldn't agree less with this concept, and debate that it should be the opposite. Time flies when we're doing a lot, and when we are really enjoying ourselves, whereas when we're doing nothing, or loathing what we do, it creeps like the snail up your wall after a heavy rain. I just realized that it has been almost half a year since I started a second job, and saving money to send back home. I've tried to take on new jobs, and ended business agreements. I've worked on projects and programs for my different locations of work. In less than a month, I may be doing something way too awesome, more than I (and maybe others) expected. Yeah, a lot's been going on, and it feels like time is a blurring, bustling by loud and noisily.
As for the weather, rainy season began in May, but it hasn't been too noticeable until recently. The rain is becoming heavier, but it is not bad. There is an occasional flooding of some roads, but life goes on. Thankfully, the rainy season will end in two months, and that will be when high season begins again, woohoo! Time, both the past and future, really does fly when I take a moment to sit and think about it. Of course, that means I cannot sit and wait too long or I will lose some important moments.
Now that updates have been made: I'm alive, not sick, nothing is broken, not pregnant, not married, I think it's safe to say we should return to the topic at hand: relationships and depending on people.
As I mentioned before, I am so grateful for everyone in my life. Okay, I'm grateful for people in my life now, and was grateful for people in my life in the past when things were okay between us (even if, now, they are not). Often, we are not aware of these people who provide positive influences or energy to our lives because we are so self-absorbed. I'm not using 'self-absorbed' in a negative way but, rather, as a way to be honest; we sometimes forget the world around us because we let ourselves be consumed by our problems, work, or other stresses in our lives.
These other people are great in helping us remember that we aren't the only ones with problems and there is often a solution to the problems we have, and even go to the extent of helping us find the solution(s) to ameliorate them.
I am thankful for my mother, who is determined to Skype with me every week, reminding me why I decided to take on Thailand, for settling my nerves when I become frazzled, for cautioning me when I should be aware of potential problems, for insisting that have as much fun as I can, and if things run out, I have a flight home at any time.
I am thankful for the friends that have tried to Skype with me at least once since I've been out of the country, updating me on their lives and asking me about mine, for giving me support and being (or feigning, either way, it's appreciated) amazement for what I am doing.
I am thankful for all of the people, really, back in the United States(and abroad), that have kept in touch.
I am thankful for my aunt for when I first arrived, naively. I am thankful for her pushing me into preparation of things, for informing me of the "Thai way," and for helping me get a job.
I am thankful for the friends I have made here, that have helped me socialize and not be a total recluse, teaching me their language and to enjoy life, even if money is tight.
I am thankful for all of the people who have helped me at my work, in scheduling, in motivating, in participating, asking questions and learning.
Lastly, I am thankful for all of the people I have met in Thailand who have given without expecting to receive, who have opened themselves to help others do the same, and who have taught me some pretty valuable lessons about life, whether that are aware of it or not.
Now, the key connection between all of these groups is that I have been able to depend on them. The dependability of a person strongly affects the relationship you may have with them. More dependable people often tend to have a closer bond with you; less dependable people tend to be more of just a person passing by.
Why is this?
If the reason isn't obvious, it's because we look for people that we can depend on when we are in states of vulnerability and insecurity. When someone who says they will be there when you need them happens to disappear when you feel you need them most, it could crush a person. I think, in a way, dependability is correlated with trust and honesty, and trust is often broken with the latter group.
Of course, sometimes we do not always rely on dependability to be friends or be connected to someone, and this can lead to often feeling left out or ignored, depending on how much of yourself you invest in that relationship.
For example, there is that one person you know is 'flaky,' and you make plans with them; if you're not too invested, you already have one, or a few back-up plans, and do not feel too affected. If you are, you have no extra plans, have declined invitations, etc, and only learn at the last minute that you friend "cannot go out tonight," (which either may or may not be true), so now you're stuck at home, in the outfit you were planning to wear, you are smelling nice, and your hair looks presentable, after having taken the effort to actually shower, only to put it all away, and take another shower to go cry yourself to sleep because you are too embarrassed to be caught out by the people whose invitations you declined because you would have to explain being stood up.
That is quite the bruise to your ego, and if you do continue this to yourself, your outlook on people and you changes. You may question your own value as a person, which really shouldn't be the case.
Luckily, you may also have some dependable associate-kind of friends, who you know are flexible to changes without asking too many questions. They may not be you presumed "friend," but they do serve as quite the band-aid at this time. Take a look again, and evaluate your standards of that person, because they might be the better friend.
Back to the topic again, dependability is extremely important; Dependability to stick to a plan, dependability to cancel them with time to spare, dependability to be present or listening when a friend needs to talk, even dependability to depend on others. Dependability helps create a stable relationship of trust, and knowing that you can trust someone makes your life that much better.
Sorry if I got too deep, let me make it up to you with this playlist. Feel free to comment, I love hearing from people, even if they are my family... well, most of them. Some people I just need time away to change.
Well,
It's been the week, as in Week Number 2 of my second session. So far, there is some progress. but I always worry.
As of recent, the director of the hospital I work at currently accepted a position at a hospital in Mongolia, which I think is amazing, but it also concerns me slightly because technically, he was the one who signed my contract. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but I have a "What If" person who brings in the worry, and what they said was "He didn't sign the contract. That means that he is not obligated to honor it. He can cancel it at any time." So, in a way, this is kind of scary, and somewhat of a possible wake-up call. At the same time, it's also giving me a push to continue in keeping all of my options valid, and working on making new opportunities available. One of the things I realize that I must do is, continue working on my business plan, and compiling my efforts, my notes, my research, and whatever I find that could be useful. It looks like I need to build a "Business Plan" binder, which I don't think is a bad idea, that way everything is contained and somewhat organized. Who knows? I may go insane with a laminator or sheet protectors!
Now, the upside of this new hospital director is that he comes from another hospital branch, and, if he is not busy, I can talk to him, and inform him about what I do, and how I do it so that he may consider my business proposal for his previous hospital, which also means more work in the future. Plus, now, one of my friends, who works at another hospital branch, wants to bring me with her to that location at least once a week to teach those employees. Let's just say, there are a lot of unlocked doors that I can choose from.
Now, onto other things. Today (where I am), it is Friday, the twentieth. Tomorrow will be the twenty-first. That will mean that, as of tomorrow, I have officially worked for two months straight without a day off. It's nice because I'm always doing something and have a little bit of pocket change. It is also nice that working everyday reduces my opportunity to go shopping, so I'm spending more time saving my money rather than dawdling it away. Each time I receive any cash, I like to put it into a savings jar. In fact, by next week, I will be able to afford a 4-5 day trip to Europe! It may not seem like a lot to you, but it is a lot to me. Honestly, I probably won't even use the money for that, because I'm working on the "Build Your Future" concept, meaning, I will be spending money on things I will need for my business, and the steps I need to take in order to make my business prosper (aka lose money for the first year or so, then break even, then profit). Cheers to making your way into adulthood. What makes me excited is keeping up with friends' and colleagues' happenings. There are at least two other girls that I know who have just started up their own businesses, and I can't wait to see where they go from here.
In lieu of the title, I would like to bring up the few things that I miss from America. Maybe I will sound spoiled, maybe not, I'm not really sure. I love Thailand, do not misinterpret otherwise, but I do admit that there are some things I dearly miss.
Fresh Spinach- I miss this so much! These greens basically were my main salad food because they were juicy, velvety, and not bitter. They made my perfecto salad. It is nearly impossible to find legitimate spinach in Thailand, much less, an amazing salad, though I have come close.
Organized Public Transportation- technically, there is a 'bus system,' aka colored trucks with benches in the bed that kind of follow a route. But, there is no bus stop, no schedule, or explanation of bus routes whatsoever. They kind of just come when they come, and you have to hail it if you want to get on. Oh, and you need to be able to read Thai to know where they are going... (Luckily, I have learned some of the alphabet and practiced enough to understand some routes)
Tex-Mex and Tacos- I miss those darn taco bells, and Moe's burritos! I mean, technically I could make the filling for any of the tacos, burritos, or enchiladas (they have rice, black beans, cumin, salt, coriander, corn, tomatoes, garlic, meat, etc.) but I would have to spend a lot in order to purchase tortilla or taco shells. I suppose that I had better learn how to make those.
I suppose that's really about it of the things I miss. Some of video online about what people miss come off, not to sound cruel, sheltered. This, of course, is due to their personal experiences from 'home.' For example, a girl who is abroad, she loves Sweden, but, as she spoke of the things she missed, she became really emotional. While I do understand her viewpoints that some of the conveniences of America are not available, and I know that this isn't her daily life problem, I would probably tell her to take a breath, and re-examine what she is getting emotional about. They are material things.
The reality is: traveling shouldn't be about what you have or what you don't have, it should be about what you do with what you have, who you meet, what you learn and gain, because those are things you will end up always having around to replay. If you would like to know that video I am referring to, check it out here. If you focus on things and objects, you really lose the purpose of why you went somewhere. Then it's less fun.
That's all I have about being abroad, missing things, and why.. for now. Must return to teaching!
