It has been quite a while, hasn't it? I must apologize, my state of absence could be excusable, but let's just say it is only partially excusable.
The key topic of today focuses around relationships.
Right now, I must admit that I am absolutely grateful for the people I have in my life now, whether they are ten minutes away or halfway around the world. I am grateful for my friends, my family, the people who have shaped me to be who I am, and the people who will help me along the way in the adventure we know as life.
Let's go with some updates. It is September, over a week after my sister's birthday, almost two weeks since I last saw my mom, and over a year since I landed on the soil of Thailand. Woah. It has already been a year?!
One (not so kind and revered) person once said, "The people who say that time flies don't do anything. I've done a lot, and time takes forever."
I honestly couldn't agree less with this concept, and debate that it should be the opposite. Time flies when we're doing a lot, and when we are really enjoying ourselves, whereas when we're doing nothing, or loathing what we do, it creeps like the snail up your wall after a heavy rain. I just realized that it has been almost half a year since I started a second job, and saving money to send back home. I've tried to take on new jobs, and ended business agreements. I've worked on projects and programs for my different locations of work. In less than a month, I may be doing something way too awesome, more than I (and maybe others) expected. Yeah, a lot's been going on, and it feels like time is a blurring, bustling by loud and noisily.
As for the weather, rainy season began in May, but it hasn't been too noticeable until recently. The rain is becoming heavier, but it is not bad. There is an occasional flooding of some roads, but life goes on. Thankfully, the rainy season will end in two months, and that will be when high season begins again, woohoo! Time, both the past and future, really does fly when I take a moment to sit and think about it. Of course, that means I cannot sit and wait too long or I will lose some important moments.
Now that updates have been made: I'm alive, not sick, nothing is broken, not pregnant, not married, I think it's safe to say we should return to the topic at hand: relationships and depending on people.
As I mentioned before, I am so grateful for everyone in my life. Okay, I'm grateful for people in my life now, and was grateful for people in my life in the past when things were okay between us (even if, now, they are not). Often, we are not aware of these people who provide positive influences or energy to our lives because we are so self-absorbed. I'm not using 'self-absorbed' in a negative way but, rather, as a way to be honest; we sometimes forget the world around us because we let ourselves be consumed by our problems, work, or other stresses in our lives.
These other people are great in helping us remember that we aren't the only ones with problems and there is often a solution to the problems we have, and even go to the extent of helping us find the solution(s) to ameliorate them.
I am thankful for my mother, who is determined to Skype with me every week, reminding me why I decided to take on Thailand, for settling my nerves when I become frazzled, for cautioning me when I should be aware of potential problems, for insisting that have as much fun as I can, and if things run out, I have a flight home at any time.
I am thankful for the friends that have tried to Skype with me at least once since I've been out of the country, updating me on their lives and asking me about mine, for giving me support and being (or feigning, either way, it's appreciated) amazement for what I am doing.
I am thankful for all of the people, really, back in the United States(and abroad), that have kept in touch.
I am thankful for my aunt for when I first arrived, naively. I am thankful for her pushing me into preparation of things, for informing me of the "Thai way," and for helping me get a job.
I am thankful for the friends I have made here, that have helped me socialize and not be a total recluse, teaching me their language and to enjoy life, even if money is tight.
I am thankful for all of the people who have helped me at my work, in scheduling, in motivating, in participating, asking questions and learning.
Lastly, I am thankful for all of the people I have met in Thailand who have given without expecting to receive, who have opened themselves to help others do the same, and who have taught me some pretty valuable lessons about life, whether that are aware of it or not.
Now, the key connection between all of these groups is that I have been able to depend on them. The dependability of a person strongly affects the relationship you may have with them. More dependable people often tend to have a closer bond with you; less dependable people tend to be more of just a person passing by.
Why is this?
If the reason isn't obvious, it's because we look for people that we can depend on when we are in states of vulnerability and insecurity. When someone who says they will be there when you need them happens to disappear when you feel you need them most, it could crush a person. I think, in a way, dependability is correlated with trust and honesty, and trust is often broken with the latter group.
Of course, sometimes we do not always rely on dependability to be friends or be connected to someone, and this can lead to often feeling left out or ignored, depending on how much of yourself you invest in that relationship.
For example, there is that one person you know is 'flaky,' and you make plans with them; if you're not too invested, you already have one, or a few back-up plans, and do not feel too affected. If you are, you have no extra plans, have declined invitations, etc, and only learn at the last minute that you friend "cannot go out tonight," (which either may or may not be true), so now you're stuck at home, in the outfit you were planning to wear, you are smelling nice, and your hair looks presentable, after having taken the effort to actually shower, only to put it all away, and take another shower to go cry yourself to sleep because you are too embarrassed to be caught out by the people whose invitations you declined because you would have to explain being stood up.
That is quite the bruise to your ego, and if you do continue this to yourself, your outlook on people and you changes. You may question your own value as a person, which really shouldn't be the case.
Luckily, you may also have some dependable associate-kind of friends, who you know are flexible to changes without asking too many questions. They may not be you presumed "friend," but they do serve as quite the band-aid at this time. Take a look again, and evaluate your standards of that person, because they might be the better friend.
Back to the topic again, dependability is extremely important; Dependability to stick to a plan, dependability to cancel them with time to spare, dependability to be present or listening when a friend needs to talk, even dependability to depend on others. Dependability helps create a stable relationship of trust, and knowing that you can trust someone makes your life that much better.
Sorry if I got too deep, let me make it up to you with this playlist. Feel free to comment, I love hearing from people, even if they are my family... well, most of them. Some people I just need time away to change.
K.
