9.3.2014(2557) Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, Who is that? I don't recognize them at all.

Hello, all.
Happy DST (in America)!
So, today and yesterday, I had a thought that has been scratching at my brain, in relation to the title of this post; That, and how it relates to the happiness of a person.
There are a lot of factors that contribute to the overall happiness of a person: things, wealth, stability, social network, living situation, ability to eat, family, gratitude, accomplishments, etc. One of aspects that add to the happiness of a person, in my opinion, is their identity. Who, or what do you see yourself as?

The identity of a person is extremely important, whether a person recognizes the importance or not. When we are infants, we learn to identify who our parents are: by scent, hair style, sound, and touch. Then, we learn to identify and recognize our own reflection in the mirrors, and boy, isn't that a thrill. Later, we learn to identify the difference between things, boys and girls, cats and dogs, food and...not food. Learning to identify self, though, is something that comes later in life to many people. Unfortunately, it doesn't really happen in middle or high school too often, because a lot of us are busy trying to learn to be a part of an entity, taking on the identity of other groups, who are your friends? Are you an athlete or academic? Jock or goth? Metal-head or gangsta? Dancer or part of the debate team?

 Although we haven't yet identified ourselves, we are trying to. We are trying to discover our likes and dislikes, what we're good at and what we're not, who likes us and why. It's kind of tough because everyone is judging everyone else's movements because we are too concerned about others and our peers to try examining who we are just yet. Around the time of college, we are on our path of self-discovery, because we are starting to do things because we want to, not because we need all the credential to get into our ideal undergraduate school. While we are in the fast-lane of self-discovery, I don't think most of us have figured ourselves out just yet. In fact, I think it is after graduating from your undergraduate level that you begin to understand that you don't really know yourself fully, and it's about time to learn. You have the basics, your personality, your education, your family, and your friends... maybe your occupation. Now use those pieces to put together the three-dimensional image that is you. It will probably take years for your first actualization, but then by the time you understand that identity of yourself, you will be changing, constantly changing, for better or for worse. (FYI: If you aren't changing, you aren't growing*)

Now, returning to the topic of self-identity. I think that when you have found your identity, you will be much happier with your life, or you will be on your way to being happier, because you understand where it is that you need to improve. You could be poor and barely have enough money to pay your upcoming rent, but still be happy because you understand who you are and therefore understand what you need and what you want. You could have all the money in the world and live in a large house, have many cars, and be able to afford anything you want, but be utterly miserable.
Anyways, so the reason I bring this up is that I have been thinking about the times that I have been the most unhappy; by unhappy, I do not mean crying in tears, necessarily, but where I cannot seem to smile, no matter how frivolous my environment may be. I tried to remember what was the situation of when I wasn't happy, and for a majority of those 'down' periods, I was in a state of not knowing where I belonged, or if I did. The times I had been most happy was when I was satisfied about who I was with, where I was, and what I was doing, because I knew what I wanted, and I had it.

Knowing who you are, again, is extremely important to your happiness. lack of personal identity leads to not knowing where you belong socially, or who your friends are, and will often give you a sense of unwanted seclusion. If you are at this point in your life, you may have to remove yourself from your situation temporarily to examine yourself, your actions, and what you want, as well as the small things that have brought you any semblance of joy.
I know a few people who aren't happy and the major reason for this is the loss of identity of self. Some just lost knowing who they are, and other are having their individual identity taken away from them. The sad thing is that, in this situation, the person who has lost their individual identity is the one who is also taking away from the other, it seems, so that they are not alone in their lack of knowing who they truly are (or accepting themselves). In fact, they have been trying to pull everyone into this, including me. Unfortunately for them, as well as our relationship, I decided not to give in to the demands of giving up my self or sanity, even with their additional attempts to pull me into their abyss of self-loss. How it affected our relationship? Well, we don't argue, but we rarely speak, which, I would say, is just as bad, if not worse. In fact, they went as far as having other people talk to me for them. So, no, we don't have a bad relationship, we don't have any relationship past what I do for them, and what they do for me.
Now, for other other unhappy person, they are the one having their identity taken away from them. They are no longer their own. They are "So-and-so's something (wife/mother/boss)." I had been there before. I was "Jamie's little sister." Jamie is my older sister, and I don't have a problem with her, but read again what I was referred to or associated as by others. I didn't even have my own name. Not only that, but I belonged to someone else. I didn't learn about this until later, luckily. I also made some lasting marks at my schools, making me recognizable by my name, not who I was related to. Back to the person whose identity has been taken away from them, I noticed that their rights have been minimized, if not taken away, while at home. They do not spend much time outside of work and the seclusion in their home. For me, seclusion is the same as confinement, and confinement is like being imprisoned.

 NOTHANKYOU. Now, when the person doing the taking is gone, what will happen to the person whose identity has not been theirs for some time? Really, they have lived for a long time not being their own, but someone else's, they have adjusted to it, happy or not (the latter), and now they do not have this vacuum present to continue taking from them. It may take some adjustment, but maybe they will be okay, maybe not. I wish them the best.
Now, when I move out, things will change for me, and they will return to the same as before I came for those I lived with. This isn't technically better for them, but it will be familiar. For me, it will be better, because I will be able to re-establish my sense of self, and return to the things that made me consistently happy and happiness is my overall goal in life.

Until next time,
K.